We need more Kleinsen

Blue Roses

TW-implied suicide

"I think you should read this."

"Why?"

"It was his."

Tears brimmed his eyes as he flipped to the first page.

Reading the first couple pages he just skimmed over them but he realized that the next pages were more important. He read these more intently.
He

July 23, 2017

I'm surprised I've held up this long.

No one knows yet.

Today him and I had lunch together.

I felt like my heart was getting stabbed, chewed up, run over, stung, and burned all at once.

Looking back at it, I probably should've just said I was sick and couldn't come, but I wanted to see his face.

The thing is, I almost blew my cover.

I had to pretend to use the restroom three times.

It's always much worse around him.

It's honestly extremely hard to keep all this in.

But I will.

Because I can't afford to have anyone judging me.

Especially him.

I love him.

July 27, 2017

Damn it!

Today I got blood on my shirt.

I didn't notice.

He did.

I said it was jelly from my toast this morning.

Thank god he bought it.

His laugh always seems to cheer me up for a moment.

His smile always seems to make the pain go away for a moment.

But then it comes back and scratches my throat.

It makes me cry.

It slowly kills me.

But even though he's the one unknowingly causing it, he also helps me for a moment.

I just wish a moment could last forever.

Note to self: he likes strawberry jelly

August 1, 2017

I declined another invitation to hang out.

Everyone's getting worried for me.

I can't have that.

They'll find out.

They'll ask me who it is.

They'll ditch me and call me names.

I don't want to lose everyone.