Unexpected Love (BOYXBOY)

Chapter 19

As April turned into May, and the weather grew warmer, I felt an uneasy sense of trepidation. Toby was still continuing his chemotherapy and drug treatment, and the doctors were hoping that they could get him into a state of remission, and then continue managing his condition with lower dosages of medication to destroy any remaining cancer cells. The typical length of time for someone to be on the highest doses of chemo was about four weeks, and he still had a couple more weeks to go.

With each treatment, Toby's condition seemed to deteriorate -- I could see him growing physically weaker and weaker. During several of the times we spent cuddling and chatting together, he would tell me how scared he was, and how he was close to just giving up on the treatment and letting nature take its course. Of course, I wouldn't stand for that. I could not lose Toby!

Fortunately, it was pretty easy for me to convince him to keep going, although I felt a little bad that I was, in a way, using his feelings for me to keep him sticking with his treatments. But I figured that it was for his own good, so it didn't matter what method I used to persuade him to endure the suffering just a little bit longer. Too many people would be devastated if he were to die, and I couldn't let that happen. I had to do everything I could to keep him in good spirits.

Ryan was so busy with baseball practice that it only seemed natural, and just a matter of time, that the bond between Toby and me would grow stronger. But it never exceeded the boundaries of close friendship or brotherly love. I was careful not to make the same mistakes as before. Even though it was obvious that some things had been changing in Ryan's personality, I was still not going to betray him. And despite my concerns about how he had been reacting to his brother's sickness and Mikey's personal problems, he still treated me like he always had. I wasn't a psychologist or anything, but it didn't take an idiot to figure out that he was scared, and perhaps this was his way of coping with it.

In the extended time we spent together, Toby and I talked about things that most fifteen and sixteen year old boys should never have to talk about, like life and death ... and we also talked about love. I had come to the disappointing conclusion that a small part of why he was pushing Cody away still had to do with his feelings toward me. But I wasn't ready to give up on him and Cody yet. I thought they were good for each other, providing balance in each other's lives. Cody opened up Toby to another way of thinking about the world and himself, and Toby taught Cody to lighten up and be more of a typical teenager.

I also fulfilled my promise to myself and started spending more time with Cody. He was well aware of what was happening between him and Toby, but he was taking it pretty well, all things considered. I think both of us were hoping that Toby would come to his senses once he got through the hardest phase of the treatment, and that he'd realize that he was stupid for ever pushing Cody away.

They hadn't "officially" broken up yet, and still hung out together at school as friends, even sharing a few brief kisses, but it was impossible not to see the changes in their relationship. And that bothered me. But what could I do that I hadn't already done? I'd talked to both of them, but with few positive results, other than getting Toby to promise that he would think things over before making any rash decisions.

As for Mikey, things weren't going so hot, either. Maggie had convinced his parents to take him back, but he had become increasingly sullen and withdrawn. He'd almost completely cut himself off from his friends, barely saying a word during lunch, and didn't hang out with any of us after school anymore. I'd tried talking to him a few times, but he always just brushed me off, either telling me he had things to do, or that he didn't feel like talking.

His not being willing to talk to me about whatever was going on with him hurt, especially since he had opened up to me so much that night he had been kicked out of his house. I'd thought we'd really bonded, and that he would come to me if there were any more problems. I told him that I would be there for him, and I'd meant it. And he knew that he could come back to our house for a while if things weren't going well with his parents. What had happened? It made me start to feel like maybe he didn't value our friendship as much as I did.