Inner demons

Chapter 1

Jenna's POV

''Don't even think about it Jen...'' I tell myself. I was supposed to go to the store to get some milk for Shai who Val and I are babysitting and for some reason I ended up in the razor blades aisle. Being a celebrity in the 21st century is hard and sometimes you need an escape... 

I know cutting my veins open isn't the smartest decision but I feel so calm when I do it, I feel relieved. I knew when I started that it wouldn't be easy to stop, yet I still did it. I grabbed a package and went to the cash.I kept my head low, I felt ashamed of myself. I was ashamed of not being the role model I wanted to be, I was letting the haters win. Slowly but surely...

'' 24.95 please.'' , " 24.95 for a gallon of milk and razor blades ! Are you kidding me ! That's so expensive !" I said. The cashier looked at me and repeated the amount of money I needed to pay. I let out a sigh and pulled out 25 dollars from my wallet I then grabbed the bag and drove home. Before going into the house I hid the blades into my purse. Val didn't know that I was still hurting myself. He knew I used to and he helped me throughout the old situations. But he doesn't know that I'm adding new scars to my forearms, he thinks that they're all from the past...

I welcomed with a kiss from Val before my hair was pulled by a 7 months old baby who apparently wanted kisses too. Val handed me Shai and went to the kitchen to make him a bottle of milk. I sat in the rocking chair waiting for the bottle and then I rocked him until he fell asleep. I went upstair and put him in his crib without waking him up and then I wwent to cuddle with Val who was sitting on the couch downstairs.

" Hey beautiful!" Val said as I sit on his lap and lean into his chest. " Hey." He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead then for one minute I felt good, I felt like I didn't need those razor blades 'cause I loved Val and he loved me too and nobody could ever change that. People could talk and I didn't care, but like I said, I only felt like that for one minute. I grabbed my phone and went on instagram, I know I shouldn't have but I still did it. Why were people so mean to me? I haven't done anything wrong ! Why were they calling me a fat whore or a cum dumpster ? My hand started to shake, I knew I had to do something before Val noticed, then I remembered the blades. I looked at him and said that I was going to take a bath, of course he believed me and let me go. I hoped he would have said to cuddle a little bit longer or he would've join me but he didn't so I grabbed my purse and ran upstairs.

I closed the door behind me and turned on the hot water. I grabbed and hair tie in the drawer and putted my hair in a bun before removing my clothes and going into the bath. The water was burning my skin but I didn't cared, deep down it felt good. I opened the package of blades and pulled my arm up. It was already red because of the temperature of the water. I thought for a second of putting it back into the box and walked downstairs and tell everything to Val, I really did but something from the inside stopped me, that little voice was saying that nobody loved me, that Val wasonly with me by pity and that my life had no worth, so i pressed the blade on my skin and made a new scar. However it didn't brought me satisfactionso I made a new one, much deeper. That one hurted. The blood was streaming down my arm into the bath, mixing with the water, giving it a red-ish tint. I took a deep breath and kept going adding more and more scars to my forearm. I knew I needed help but I was too weak. Too weak to scream, too weak to talk and even too weak to breathe...

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Hi guys! Sorry I haven't upload in like 2weeks but I didn't had any inspiration for ''Being a Chmerkovskiy'' (and I still don't) so that's why I decided to make a new book and yea... Have fun reading !!