Doubt Thou Stars Are Fire

Chapter Three

"I know how you don't favor men too much, but do you have a husband yourself?" I questioned, getting off of her.
"I am being courted." She said, looking back down at her book,"I don't know how I do feel about him though, he's charming but he's not...I think sensible is the word." She took a bite from her apple and tossed the core into the tree line behind the tents.
I nodded,"they can be difficult and unreasonable." I stretched my back and yawned.
"Tired already?" She looked over and smiled.
"Oh, not at all." I grinned back.
__________

I held Captain Tallmadge's plate in my hand and brought it to his tent. He sat upright against the backboard of the bed and was reading a thick and battered book. "I'm sorry to interrupt." I walked in and set his food down on the table beside his bed.
"To be interrupted by the new matron is my pleasure." He took his eyes up from the book and laid them on me. I felt myself blush.
"It's an honor to be your servant." I bowed my head.
"It's an honor to be under your care." He nodded to me, a flirty grin surpassed his face,"your humbleness is much appreciated."
"You're welcome," I bit my lip,"is there anything else I could help you with?"
He held out a wad of thick letters,"can you give this to the messenger?"
I took them and looked them over closely,"you must write so much."
He shrugged,"it's not too much, they've just been waiting to be sent, thank you."
I nodded and headed off to the messenger. Who's the messenger? Ben's subtle flirting made me feel warm. I tapped the shoulder of a broad bearded man in whaler's clothes,"uh...sir, captain Tallmadge has asked me to give these letters to the messenger, have you any idea where he might be?"
He turned around and had to look down at me. I wasn't short by any means but the height of the bearded man was certainly intimidating,"are ye the new mat'run?"He took the letters from my hand.
"I am sir, may I ask who you are?" I stepped back.
"M'names Caleb," he held out a large hand, which I took,"yer name?"
"Winifred Artois." Shook his hand and bowed my head,"will you be taking those to the messenger?"
"O'course" he flipped through them,"it's nice meetin' ye, Winifred."
"You can call me Winnie if you please, it sounds less frigid."
"Whatever ye say, I'll see ye around," and just like that, he was gone. I dismissed myself and headed back to my tent, next to Florence's own. I felt weird inside, I was to be married. Yet I felt captivated by another man? I picked up my fiancé's bundle of letters and read them to myself as I paced around he room.
Infidelity disgusted me to a large extent. Never have I thought twinge about another man since I've been with my Jack but this...Captain Tallmadge, his charm drew me in. I pushed him away and kept reading Jack's words of love.

    From my most tender affections, I hope and believe you will, and will always hold me in your heart. As I do with you. Your fair skin and red hair enthrall me. I hope you will return to me soon, my dearest Winnifred. I love, I love, I love you.

I read the small passage to myself. I chewed on my lower lip. Infidelity was a sin. It was bad. Jack's handsome face glimmered in my mind. I pushed Ben off from my thoughts again and began to write to my Jack. I looked down at my stumbled over words and shook my head in disapproval. I crumpled up the letter and tossed it onto the bed. I continued that same process until Florence rushed into my tent.
"Where were you? I had a party of nurses searching for you for the last few hours!" Her voice was a terrifying mix of concern and abrupt anger.
"What...what do you mean? The last few hours?" I was confused on her words.
"You missed passing out dinner!"
"I...I'm sorry Florence, but isn't it a bit early for dinner?"
"Do you find seven at night to be early? What were you even doing?"
"Writing..I was writing, I'm sorry Florence, it won't happen again." I subdued to her anger.
"It's fine." She sighed,"I expected more out of a matron, especially one as esteemed as yourself." Florence continued,"what were you even writing?"
"Love letters."
"Who's on your mind?" Her exterior soften and she approached me, her long dark hair flowed past her like a cloak.
"Two men." I made a quick decision to confide in her. I don't believe I wouldn't have anyone else to talk to about my problems. Trusting is hard.
"What do you mean?"
I sighed and shook my head,"Captain Tallmadge I think is his name?  He seems to have captured my heart." I turned around to face her,"It's pathetic how he seems to have done that in such a short amount of time! Less than a full  day and I find myself captivated by his very pathetic! I find myself in a dilemma between my love for my fiancée and a silly crush over the Captain."
"A crush?" She asked,"I mean...he is handsome, I hope you don't plan on acting upon your desires." She furrowed her brows.
"I don't plan to," I rested my head in my hand,"I don't know how to let my feelings for him die."
"Well, it hasn't been long, in time they will." She said, patting my head with her hand,"You have such pretty hair, your fiancée should be lucky to have you." I glanced at my dark red hair.
"Thank you," I gave her a half hearted smile,"hey, want to have tea sometime tomorrow?"
"You have tea?"
I nodded,"I packed some in my trunk...I think?"
"Works for me, I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Of course." I nodded and looked back down to my paper.
"Is that good night?"
"Yes, that is." I began to write again. The words I sketched didn't make sense. So, instead I asked how he was and then described the camp. I didn't say a word about Captain Tallmadge. His blue eyes still danced in my mind. My pathetic emotions about the Captain still played on. I shut the letter and left it on my desk to take to the messenger in the morning.
_____________
In the morning, the smell of coffee filled my nose. A small tin cup say on my desk next to my letter. I stood up and took it. I looked around, who gave it to me? I assumed it was Florence. I smiled to myself and sipped it as I pulled my hair back to get ready for the day. I pulled my blue striped dress from my trunk as well as my small amount of tea.
The coffee's bitterness woke me. I stepped from my tent and opened Florence's own,"Thank you for the coffee." I peeped my head in through the flaps and gave her a smile.
She sat busily writing in her bed,"It wasn't me, Captain Tallmadge had one of the nurses sent it to you on special request." She glanced up at me for a moment, her alluring green eyes drew me in,"seems like Ben and yourself might have mutual feelings..?" I stared down at the black liquid, the blush on my cheeks wasn't from the cold autumn air.
"I....I've got the thank...I've got thank him." I stuttered.
"Well go ahead, just don't be too long." She shooed me off with her free hand,"I'll meet you for tea this afternoon after lunch?"
"Of course, Florence." I smiled and hurried off to Ben's tent.
I found him reading the same thick book he was the day before, when I entered though, he shut it quickly and brought his attention to me. "Yes, Matron Winifred."
"You can call me Winnie, please," I tried hiding my red cheeks,"I'd like to thank you for the coffee this morning, it was wonderful."
"It was my pleasure," he grinned at me.
"Why did you do it?" I rubbed the back of my neck.
He diverted his eyes quickly,"I thought you'd like one, you matrons do help with many things." His steady words and sweet voice made me think it was more.
"I thank you, Captain." I nodded,"May I ask you why you're in here?" I knew he gave it to me for a reason, he would have one requested to be sent to Florence too if it was because of how hard we worked.
He pressed his lips together and began to lift up his shirt until he showed a thick bandage. I gasped at the sight, the dried blood on his bandages looked old. I put my hand over my mouth,"Why the- and pardon me- why the hell has no one been changing that that?"
"Theres a lot of men in the camp, not enough nurses?" He glanced down at the bandage,"it does look gross."
"Captain, this is terrible." I shook my head and leaned down to his bed,"May I?" I hesitated only a second.
"Go ahead." He said,"I can do-" he let out a hiss and clenched his jaw.
"I-I'm sorry," I took out a small pair of scissors and began to cut them open on the side. Ben tried to control his breathing as I lifted the dirty bandage, blood had crusted on him and stuck to his skin. I threw the bandages to the ground and stood up,"I'll be back, p-please wait a moment," I hurried off to get water and a rag to clean up the mess.
I rushed past Florence,"Hey, where are you going?" She grabbed my arm to stop me.
"The other damn nurses hadn't changed the Captain's bandages, this is ridiculous!"
"Calm it, Artois!" She let me go,"we don;t have anything to wrap it with, we would have otherwise."
"I'm helping him anyways, it was disgusting." I frowned.
"No one cleaned the wound?"
"No!" I yelled and stormed off.
I came back with a bowl of water into Tallmadge's tent,"I apologize, Captain." I knelt by his bed and dipped a rag in eater and began to dab at his wound. "Were...were you shot?" I asked. He replied with a nod. I felt bad for him, I was just happy there was no sign of an infection. As soon as it was cleaned I searched around for something to cover up the bullet hole. With no avail, I began to cut into my blue striped dress with the scissors I used to cut open his bandage. I then wrapped it around his waist.
"I-I'm sorry." Ben said through gritted teeth.
"It was my pleasure, Captain, would there be anything else you need?" I stood up and brushed myself off.
"No," he propped himself up upon his elbows,"but would you like another coffee tomorrow?" The expression of pain was still clear on his face.
"I'd love it." I smiled and bowed my head in respect,"I thank you."
___________
Steam poured from the kettle as I poured my tea into our tin mugs,"I apologize for not bringing teacups." I smiled and began to pour my own.
"It's quite alright," she blew at the top of it,"You were in there with Captain Tallmadge for quite awhile..." she trailed off, waiting for me to answer.
"I cleaned his bullet wound, I was afraid that it was infected since the bandage had been on for quite sometime." I set the kettle back over the fire,"It was nothing, just concern."
"Mhm..." she glanced over at me,"You don't plan on mentioning any of this to Jack, right?"
"Oh, of course not, what he doesn't know cant hurt."
"Aren't you afraid that he might be doing the same back at home?" She sipped her tea.
"I worry, but I trust his faithfulness." I watched the steam waver from my tea.
She nodded,"Trusting them would be the last thing I do."