Doubt Thou Stars Are Fire

Chapter Eight

I arrived in camp later that night with Edmund. Our joking words seemed to leave us. The scene that was played out made him quiet. My broken heart kept my mouth sealed. I was still struck with confusion on why, and how he did this. Not only did he abuse me in such a way, but also another woman. She had no clue of me, and I had no clue of her. Certainly, the Jack I called my own was a pig disguised as a man. I whimpered as I let myself into my own tent. I almost felt a twinge of shame. I never did hold my pride up high, but I didn't feel the need to be sharing with anyone about how my fiancé wasn't faithful. My pride was mortally wounded.

The walls of the tent closed in on me when I lied down. The rustling wind shook my tent. I turned on my side, facing the walls. Was I not good enough? I must have not been, considering that he even placed his eyes on another woman. What happens when my mother finds out? Unlike myself, she always hold her pride before everything. She'll be in shame of my incapability to maintain Jack. For a moment, I forgot that I had another man in my life. A man with certainly a higher rank in military than Jack, who only owned a small store. I couldn't rely on Ben entirely. What if he did the same thing? I sighed and gripped the blankets. I don't want to make it seem like I was using the poor man too. My grievances aren't his after all, right? I tried my best to fall into sleep, but with no avail. The morning came, and my thoughts still clouded my mind just like the dreary sky.

I pulled myself from my bed and sighed. My eyes scanned over the jumble of letters Jack had written to me that I had kept. Such a waste of love. I picked up myself and began to undress. I still wasn't tired from a long and sleepless night. My heart remained shattered as I put my physical body together. How unforgiving of this world. I finally pulled it together, just like I pulled the strings on my corset and tied them together. I tried to make the tears stop rolling down my cheeks. The sun still wasn't up, but there was a faint color in the sky telling me that it would be up soon enough. 

I stepped from my tent an faced the world. A few of the nurse's tents had lanterns still lit inside of them. Small movements signaled that some were awake. I rubbed my eyes and went to wake up Florence. Her tent stood dark, just like her beautifully curled hair. "Flo...." I whispered and opened up her tent. By the time she had got ready, it would be time to put together plates and water cups. I saw her curvy figure sprawled across the bed with a thin blanket covering her. I leaned over her sleeping body and pushed her shoulder. "Hey, wake up, I'm back," I whispered.
She stirred and let out a groan. "I had no idea you left..." she trailed. She turned to face me. There were still dark bags under her face from grieving over her mother. I pressed my lips together and leaned by her bed. 

"I had family matters to attend to." I tugged at her slip,"Now let's get going sleepy head, some of the other nurses are already up before us." 

"Really? Oh, give me a moment." She sighed, picking herself up from the bed,"is it cold out?"
"Not freezing but not warm." I shrugged at her. She only nodded and leaned back. She looked like she had begun to recover. "Are you feeling better?" I asked. 

"I'm trying." She kept her eyes low to the ground. I felt weird barely having talked to her in a day. Especially all that had happened last night. I still could not stop thinking about my incident. Her eyes followed me. "You aren't looking well." She declared to me. 

"I'm just fine," I lightened up. I felt she didn't need to know of last night. 

"If you say so, Artois." She stood up and rubbed her eyes. 

"I'll meet you out," I began to head of her tent and to the nurses who were just beginning to rush around. The sky lightened, the sun still didn't show itself over the treetops. I sighed and oversaw the nurses as they prepared for the day. Two nurses were cutting clothes for bandages. The soldiers were just beginning to stir. The older men already began a small campfire and were sitting around it. With wood mugs filled with grainy coffee, they sat around the fire, they made attempts to warm themselves. They looked dirty and unwell. I pursed my lips and went back overseeing my women. The younger nurses dashed around left and right with biscuits and water. Watching them made me busy but it took my mind off my current situation. 

I followed my eyes down to my barren finger. My wedding ring, I hope, is still in the ashes of last night's fire. I chewed my bottom lip. If I had some freedom now with being a single woman, shouldn't I be enjoying myself? I rubbed my forehead and tried to think. I'm single. I'm young and vaguely pretty, would it be a terrible idea if I were to put myself out there and let people know that?

I had an idea of who I wanted. Nearly, just as I thought of the image of the man I wanted, and he waltzed from his tent. I raised my brows and watched him walk on his own. Sure, he limped just a little bit but other than that, he was walking just fine. I smiled to myself. 

"The hell are you smiling at?" Florence said, putting an arm around my shoulder, she followed my eyes out to Ben who stood out in blue and gold. He talked to a man from the Light Dragoons, in which he controlled. Did he always look this handsome or was I just looking for a substitute for my heart? I don't want to hurt by thinking I want him, but then leaving him as soon as I find that my heart changes. 

"No one," I replied to Florence. I faded my smile and looked back at her,"Everything is moving nicely, there hasn't been a hiccup yet." I looked back at out the nurses. Just as soon as I mentioned that everything was going just fine, a younger nurse tripped and fell to the ground. An older nurse ran out to assist her. I bit my lip and sighed,"It was going perfectly until that part." I watched as they tried to gather some of the food off the ground. 

"I believe you" She chuckled to herself,"I looked for you last night, Captain Tallmadge asked for you," she pushed a piece of her dark hair back behind her ear.

I blushed to myself and glanced at the ground to hide a soft smile,"Oh, he did?" I tried to act surprised. I pushed Jack into the furthest corner of my mind. "Does he still want me now?"
"I assume so, he had just asked if you left yet, I didn't know you were taking a little trip." She glanced over at me,"I prefer that you tell me where you leave so I'm able to know when to expect you back. I had no idea if you were coming back this morning." 

"And I assume that's why you stayed in bed for most of the morning?" I bumped her with my hip, jokingly.

"Of course that's why." She joked back. Ben gazed over at the two of us. Florence put her hand on the middle of my back,"Go get your man in blue and gold, looks like he wants you." 

I stumbled forward and giggled,"fine, fine, will you be okay?" I turned back to her. 

"I'm always okay, now get along." She shooed me off.
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"How was it last night? I didn't expect you to be back so soon." Ben asked as he limped through the camp alongside me. 

"I didn't expect myself to be back so soon either, I'd rather speak of this when we are in private, Benjamin," I said, looking over at the soldiers and the pretty landscape.

"That's fine," he began to lead me to the outskirts of the camp," is over there fine?" 

"Aren't you just anxious to know?" I pushed back a broken heart and smiled. 

"Knowledge is better than not knowing at all." He declared to me. 

"Well, you are right..." I sighed and trailed off.

// hey, I'm really sorry. I'm dealing with a breakup and a relative's death. I'm really sorry for not being on schedule. Xoxo Winnie