Gang Leaders Claim

GLC; 26

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"You want breakfast?"

"No thank you."

"You sure?"

"I'm not hungry." I shrug and look down at my feet.

Truth is, I was hungry. But I couldn't bring myself to eat anything, I felt sick just looking at the food.

I know I was just making a bigger hole for myself to fall in but I can't help it. I want to be good enough, I want to have that body like Victoria Secret models.

"Suit yourself." James says and continues flipping the pancakes. He looked so perfect, just cooking food he managed to look like a greek god. He was shirtless and had Adidas sweatpants hanging on his hips showing off all of his mesmerizing and beautiful tattoos on his chest and arms. Everything about him was perfect, why can't I be like that? I wish I was skinny or something, then maybe I would feel good about myself.

I'm surprised James even loves me in the first place, I'm not enough for him.

"James, what're we gonna do?" I ask, changing the subject.

"What do you mean?"

"With Darren."

"I don't know Grace." James sighs, running a hand through his hair in stress. Instantly I felt bad for bringing up a stressful topic, right when he acted so carefree I brought his mood down.

"I'm sorry." I whisper lowly enough for him not to hear.

"We'll figure something out." I smile encouragingly.

"Grace you don't understand. Darren has access to everything, he could destroy my gang. And more importantly, he could take you away from me." James sighs, looking over at me.

"There's no way he could take me away from you." I mention, biting my lip nervously. What if Darren finds us?

"We won't stay here, we gotta move somewhere he won't expect." James says, turning off the stove and putting the food on a glass plate.

"Last call, you sure you don't want some?" James asks, raising an eyebrow at me.

I stare at the pancakes longingly and instantly give in.

"Yeah sure." I say feeling weak. I'm such a fat ass, I can't even skip breakfast, really?

"How many pancakes?"

"One please." I sigh, sitting down on the bar stool and resting my chin on the back of my hand.

James drizzles syrup and powdered sugar with cut off strawberries on the pancake, sliding it across the counter over to me. I take the metal fork on the plate and slowly take small bites, eating this made me feel horrible. This is how I got fat, eating too much sugary foods.

I eat up half of the pancake before pushing it away, feeling sick.

"What's wrong?" James drawls his eyebrows together in confusion and leans down, resting his arms on the counter so we were eye level.

"Nothing." I bite my bottom lip to avoid crying, I can't be weak.

"Gracie, tell me." James says with a frown, staring at me intensely.

"I said nothing." I spit out, running up the stairs and lock myself in our bedroom. I look over at the mirror and let out a sob, holding my stomach and bawling my eyes out. I felt like I couldn't breathe, I just want to be good enough for James. I want to be skinny.

I run over to the bathroom and bend down next to the toilet, I put two fingers in the back of my throat and instantly dry-heave. Once I was done puking my guts out, I flush the toilet and lean against the bathtub wall. I let out a sob and let my fingers tug on the roots of my hair.

What am I doing to myself?

"Grace?! You okay?!" I hear James voice on the other side of the door.

I whimper slightly and wrap my arms around myself, I remember being so confident and happy with myself. But I wasn't aware of how much I physically gained, now that I am, I feel horrible.

"Leave me alone, please." I breathlessly sob, everything is going downhill, how could my confidence be shattered so quickly?

"Gracie if you don't let me in I will kick this door down." James hollers, he can't kick down a door, could he?

Suddenly I hear a loud bang and the door is lying down right beside me.

I guess I was wrong.

"Gracie." James coos, wrapping me up in his comforting arms.

"I-I'm sorry." I cry out, I've never felt so much pain, so much self-hatred before. This was all foreign to me, especially since I'm the kind of girl who is carefree and doesn't care what others say, I was sarcastic and confident in myself. To think that was all shattered, because I didn't feel good enough for James.

"Don't be sorry, you're okay." James says convincingly, holding me bridal style and carrying to the bed.

"Grace, why don't you see what I see? You're beautiful the way you are and I wouldn't change a single thing." James whispers in my ear causing my cheeks to turn into flames.

Why is he so perfect?

"I don't deserve you." I whisper, looking straight up into his beautiful sea green eyes. Instantly he furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"What do you mean?" He asks in pure confusion, I sit up and look down in my lap, twiddling with my fingers.

"Nevermind." I mumble, getting ready to stand up but a strong grip clasps around my wrist causing me to stumble back on the bed.

"I don't deserve you, you're so innocent and perfect, like an angel sent down from heaven. If anything I'm the one who doesn't deserve you, I don't understand what you mean by 'I don't deserve you' because you do. You've done nothing wrong, don't ever think you're not good enough, because you are perfect to me. I love you so much Gracie, I just don't know how to show that to you."

I look up into his eyes which displayed honesty and desperation. Instantly I knew that he loved me for me, and the worst part is that I'm not even me.

"I love you too." I whisper, looking down at my lap. I never felt this way before, he's so intoxicating and beautiful in every way possible. I admit I'm scared of my feelings, I never experienced these kind of emotions and it's overwhelming.

"I love hearing you say that." James smiles breathlessly causing my heart to skip a beat, see his effect on me? He's killing me and he's not even trying to.

He's perfect, in every way possible.