starstruck || hannah abbott

6 || anxiety attack

Sure enough that very next day, Anastasia entered the Charms classroom with Theodore and took her place in the front row. She organized her books and waited for Professor Flitwick to begin today's lesson.

A few minutes later, Hannah Abbott and Susan Bones briefly paused outside apprehensively. Anastasia glanced over her shoulder and glimpsed the two. She felt a blush creep unwillingly over her cheeks as she focused her attention back to the desk in front of her. She knew she was being too obvious and she felt somewhat ashamed.

All her life, her friends and family had instilled in her that she would grow up, marry a wizard, land a successful career, and have little witches and wizards of her own. Anastasia had tried to picture that at night when she lay alone in her bed. Every time she envisioned that scene, it wasn't a man and she'd feel wrong, erasing the mental image as fast as she could. The girl often felt that one day Theodore might try to express something more than friendship to her because she always noticed how much more at ease he was around her. Anastasia never wanted anything more from Theo than what they had now. What society wanted from her, she wanted to spend it with someone of the same gender no matter how many people told her it was bad.

That special feeling she had often heard Pansy rave about with Draco, this Hufflepuff ignited a paralyzing set of emotions in her. Anastasia also knew she could never tell Hannah. The Slytherin had already succeeded in making the golden girl uncomfortable so anything beyond that was social suicide. Hannah feared her because of the people she hung out with, the house she was in, and the way she acted. All of that made Anastasia ashamed.

Now here she sat with cheeks burning and her palms sweating. Everyone had taken their seats including Hannah. Professor Flitwick had begun droning on about who knows what though Anastasia's thoughts were far from his lesson. She couldn't focus on anything except how much she needed to keep her true intentions masked. Perhaps if Theodore were to make an advance, she should agree in order to pacify whatever she currently felt.

"Are you all right?"

Anastasia flinched in her seat before realizing that Hannah had asked her the question.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine," Anastasia mustered.

"You're extremely pale, are you sure?" Hannah's blue eyes were filled with concern.

"Truthfully, I'm sure," the brunette lied blatantly.

"Do you want to go to Madam Pomfrey?" Hannah's voice was steady this time. There was no waver or hint of fear. She actually seemed worried for the girl sitting next to her.

"I might stop by after class. . ." Anastasia muttered absentmindedly.

"I don't think you're going to last until then," the Hufflepuff commented.

"Wouldn't surprise me if I don't," Anastasia felt her chest tighten, breathing seemed to become an impossible task.

"Why, Miss Dorhn, are you quite well?" Professor Flitwick had suddenly taken notice of the two girls before him.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Anastasia mumbled as she rose from her chair and made for the door.

"Do check on her, Miss Abbott, make sure she gets to the Hospital Wing in one piece," the tiny Charms professor instructed her.

Anastasia stumbled blindly down the hallway and leaned against the cool stone wall. Her forehead was burning up and her breathing was labored. She barely registered the soft footfalls coming near her as she sank down to the floor and closed her eyes. The fifteen year old stayed very still as the choking feeling slowly dissipated and she could finally catch her breath. It was then she became aware of someone sitting next to her.

Anastasia brushed her brown hair from her eyes and stared at Hannah Abbott curiously.

"You're missing Flitwick's class," came the brunette's lame excuse for conversation.

"He asked me to follow you, you know, to make sure you're okay. I can clearly see you aren't. What's wrong?" Hannah's blonde hair was styled in equal plaits, expertly woven like Tracey Davis'.

In that moment, Anastasia wanted to spill everything to her. She wanted to talk about the train, she wanted to apologize for the way she so often stared, she wanted to explain why she had told Hannah she'd see her in Charms, she just wanted it to be out in the open. But Anastasia was too afraid of rejection to open her mouth and let it all pour out. What if Hannah laughed at her? What if she was repulsed by her? What if she told her friends who would tell their friends? What if all of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry found out the truth?

"Anxiety," Anastasia only half-lied this time. Her anxiety has gone through the roof moments ago, but sitting here with Hannah, she had never felt so calm. The Slytherin girl imagined for a minute that this must be what Theodore felt around her.

"I get that way sometimes," Hannah said quietly.

"You do? You always seem so relaxed," Anastasia replied, a little more confident now knowing she wasn't the only one in the world that experienced it. Sure, plenty of people dealt with it to a much more extreme than she did, but it was reassuring to know others around her went through it and survived.

"All my friends think I am too, but the truth is sometimes anxiety just catches me off guard like that," Hannah told her quietly.

Anastasia wanted to reach over and hug Hannah. She also wanted to be friends with Hannah but what were the chances of that? This little one-on-one chat session would come to an end soon and what would she make of it?

"You do a fantastic job of hiding it, you should teach me how you control it," Anastasia said with a smile.

"Mostly, I—"

Someone cleared their throat nearby. That someone was Professor Umbridge.