A Secret Affair (Daryl Dixon) ON HOLD

continuing

I wasn't sure if I was ready to come back or not but I've been seeing a doctor and he says I need to express my feelings and get back to my normal routine so here I am. It been really hard on me these past few days. I can't eat, can't sleep and honestly I don't want to. I lost the baby, the doctor said I really wasn't far enough along to consider it a baby but I do. I mean I was 9 weeks a baby has a heart beat at 6 weeks. it hit me pretty hard and I feel like I'm a failure to my husband. He was so happy about becoming a father and I couldn't even give him that. and I know some of you out there don't care or think I shouldn't be posting this but you don't know me. you can't tell me I'm this or that, and I don't care how you think about me. I love that you read my story, I love the comments and votes I get but your opinion of me as a person doesn't matter. and I'm sorry if I'm coming off bitchy I'm not meaning too I just want to let you all know that I feel as if I can rant my feelings on here with out a cynical response. I'm sick of people telling me how I should act if I want to curl up in a ball and cry my heart out I should be able too. I'm not acting childish or selfish I'm grieving. my husband knows I love him and I know deep down he doesn't blame me for what happened but it still not inappropriate for me to feel that way. I had to watch the joy of becoming a father die in his eyes. I had to watch a man I've known for 20 years a man I grew up with and did everything with cry. and it killed me.

I'm so sorry to my readers if you find this inappropriate but I had to get this off my chest with out the pity looks that my friends and family give me every time I say something. or every time I don't. please just ignore this if you want, don't feel obligated to comment it won't hurt me none.

I will try to post the next chapter of my story soon, so don't write me off just yet. Thank you so much for allowing me to express my feelings in a way I haven't been able to do yet.