Discovering Shadows (Completed)

Uncertainty

When all eyes are you, everything seems so exposed. It's like they can see you, watch you, and their just waiting for you to mess up. It will finally confirm everything they ever thought about you. You are just the one thing no one wanted and everyone threw away. 

That is how it always felt being watched at the orphanage. No one there had kind eyes or a kind smile. It was all eyes with hidden shadows of malice, hearts full of fear, lips made of lies and hands made for pain.

But as I sit here in this chair waiting to see all of those things again, I see something I never have before. Their eyes are not full of fear, hatred, hurt, or anger. I see acceptance, friendship, happiness, curiosity, hope and questions. So many questions. 

I look up at Kevin wondering what I will see in his eyes. He watches me with fondness and determination. I wonder how he knew about the videos with Mark at the orphanage. 

Then I remember the guy that brought me to the orphanage...he also gave me a sucker to keep me quiet. I look at Kevin carefully. He watches me with wide eyes before nodding his head so slightly it may have gone unnoticeable had I not been watching him so closely.

I don't know what to do. I have never been anywhere else. To always be hidden. I never had to make decisions for myself. I did what I was told, hid when people came, and always looked for Mark. Looking around the room I am at a lost for what comes next. 

Fate moves suddenly; walking towards me with determination. She kneels in front of me and everyone else inches closer yet stays far behind her. "Sylar, I am so sorry. I knew you were different, special but I certainly was never prepared for it. You were so different than all the others. I should have brought you here first thing. I just wanted to get to know you. I wanted you  to be able feel safe with us before we overwhelmed you with everyone." 

She looks back at everyone before looking at me. "Sylar, we want you to stay here. We want you to be a part of our family."

Asher steps up and kneels next to her grabbing her hand before looking at me. "We all have powers so it is going to take some time. Every time we add someone into our family there is a few weeks where all our powers have to get use to things. That means no more hiding. You have to come to us. I know you don't talk but we can figure that out. We just need to know whats going on." He pauses and meets the eyes of all the kids. "That goes for all of you. Fate and I cannot help you if we don't know what is happening. Not one of us likes to talk about our emotions. but in families, in our family it is most important."

Lila runs up and wraps Fate in a tight hug. "I promise." 

One by one the kids come up and nod their agreement. 

It should be very moving. The speech and the family moment. Fate and Asher say they want me. I should be happy. Why aren't I happy? I look at them, at all of them, they don't feel like mine. They don't feel like my family, like Mark and Mike, like Carrie and Sarah and the other kids at the orphanage. I never felt safe there but its worse here. I feel hidden shadows covered in lies surrounding them. Everyone here has secrets some of them feel harmless but the others I have felt do not. They have dangerous secrets that can hurt someone.  But there are so many people around I can't tell which secrets belong to whom. 

I want to stay, I want to help them, they cannot stay safe if they do not know what is going on. Everyone here is extremely good at hiding themselves. No one knows enough about the other. 

If I stay, I can help. If I help then maybe I can feel like I am a part of their family. 

I reach out and put my hand on all of theirs. When all of their eyes are on me I force my mind to speak to theirs. I have never done it to so many people at once.

I want to stay.