The Time of Your Life || c.b

Ten

"Babe... Can I actually talk to you?" I asked, nervous. Warren turned to me, concerned.

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" he asked. I didn't like that he was still concerned as if he still loved me. I wanted to believe that he did but I couldn't; you can't knowingly hurt someone and still love them.

I sighed, pulling him to sit on the couch beside me. I couldn't look him in the eyes as I spoke. "Warren, do you love me?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

He didn't hesitate. "Of course! Why would you think any different?!" he replied. My heart ached.

"You're cheating on me. It's hurting me." I was quite blunt about it. I couldn't even sugarcoat the way I felt.

Warren froze for a moment. His shoulders seemed to droop and he looked as if he was trying to think of something to say.

I repeated my words again. "Do you really love me?"

"I— No, I don't know. I-I think..."

"You think what? Warren please don't spare my feelings."

"I don't love you. But fuck Agnes I need you. I can't lose you, baby," he said, his eyes sad and watery. I melted. I believed him. We didn't end things.

"Stop going to her house. You can be with me and I'll never leave you as long as you're not going there. I can't be in that much pain because of you. I love you, War."

Warren nodded. He didn't say anything but he pulled me into him gently and nuzzled his face into my neck. I could tell things had changed when I didn't feel the warmth and comfort I usually felt from being in his arms. I was heartbroken but I couldn't admit it because I couldn't bear the thought of Warren hurting me. I was too afraid to admit that we could never be the same as we once were. 

Warren slowly let me go. He looked into my eyes and gave me a soft kiss on the forehead. He didn't kiss my lips. His hands slid away from me and fell to his side. For some reason, I felt worse now. As if I should have felt bad for forcing Warren to stop seeing that girl. I didn't even know her! What if she loved him the same way I did? What if he loved her the way I wished he loved me? I began to overthink my decision and worry that maybe I was too controlling. This was Warren's life. It wasn't mine. 

~~

Things went back to normal again after that. As in, Warren didn't cheat on me anymore, or at least I didn't know if he was or not. Which, to me, was back to normal. We didn't really kiss or even touch anymore, and things were always awkward. My heart ached whenever I thought of what things were like before. Zoom forwards another few months, and things had only gotten worse. 

I went to work five days a week. Warren quit his job so I picked up longer shifts and worked harder so that maybe, if I was lucky, I could get a raise. We lived on a budget now. School made me want to tear my hair out of my scalp. My mental health was the worst it'd been in years, I didn't go out or speak to anyone but Warren anymore. He spent most of his time out, though. At parties or with friends. I didn't dare think about the fact that it was quite possible he was still seeing that girl from before.

My phone rang on my bedside table. I groaned slightly and rolled over, covering my ears. It continued to ring, much to my dismay. 

"Mmmmhhhh... Hello?" I mumbled. I hadn't even bothered to read the name of who was calling, I knew it was Warren. 

"Hey," he said softly. I wished I could smile at the sound of his voice that I had once loved so much, but I just couldn't. I was too broken.

"What's up? Are you not home?" I asked, not that it would be much of a surprise. I had the day off of work today so I knew Warren would be trying his best to avoid me. Things between us were just too awkward not to avoid each other.

I barely paid any attention to what he was saying since I assumed it was just another explanation that I wouldn't want to hear, until Warren said something that I would remember for the rest of my life. "I'm going to France with Jessica for a month. She's the girl. And..." he took a deep breath, "I don't think we should do this anymore. Have your things out before I'm home at the end of the month. I'm sorry, Agnes. I really am."

I didn't reply for a few minutes, but Warren stayed on the phone. Finally, I mustered up the strength to say one simple word, "Okay." I hung up after that. I was wide awake now, my stomach churning nervously. That was just a joke, right? I asked myself. No, it wasn't. Warren didn't joke with me anymore. What was I going to do? I had a month to not only find a new place to live, but to heal enough just to get out of bed every morning, which I could hardly even do now. 

I decided that I wasn't going to mope, not today anyway. I would go out and experience the world again for the first time in months. Today I would be free of the burden Warren's presence brought upon my life. I got up and had a long and much-needed shower. I shaved for the first time in months and I even used the body wash that my mom had sent me from Jamaica that Warren didn't like the smell of but I loved. 

I changed into a green and white striped vintage t-shirt and tucked it into a pair of ripped skinny jeans with a rose embroidered on the thigh. I rolled the ankles up a bit and put on my black Vans Old Skool sneakers. My acne had gone slightly out of control lately, so I opted to wear a bit of concealer, as well as slightly filling in my eyebrows and putting some mascara on my long eyelashes. I left my hair to dry naturally. We didn't have a whole lot of choices for breakfast, so off to the cafe I was. I took my car down, since I had decided to go and visit some old friends for the first time in a while. 

At the cafe, I ordered my favorite breakfast meal: crepes with strawberries, blackberries, and a load of whipped cream and Canadian maple syrup. A plain black coffee also made its way to my table. My favorite coworker, a short teenager about 17 or 18 years old, with short golden brown hair and brilliant blue eyes, named Keenan came over to see me. 

"You look... more put together than usual. Are things with your man any better?" Keenan was a really comedic guy, but he was caring and it was really easy to speak to him without feeling as if I was being judged. He always told me about his relationship issues with his boyfriend, and that even though they weren't as bad as mine, it was always nice to let those who're hurting know that they aren't alone. His words meant a lot to me, to be honest, even though he was so much younger than I was.

I giggled a little thinking of what the actual situation was. I took the option of telling Keenan the truth. "Actually, worse. He's leaving me for the girl he cheated with. They're going to France and I have to be out of the apartment by the time they get back. Sucks, huh?" I said. Keenan's eyes were wide and surprised. I definitely wasn't supposed to be in such a good mood right now, and we both knew that.

"Uh, yeah? Are you okay? Where are you gonna go?" he asked me. He was obviously worried about me, it meant a lot. 

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm gonna be fine. He hurt me so much that even though this is probably supposed to feel like the worst day of my life, I'm kinda more relieved than I am sad. For now, at least." My shoulders went up and then back down in a shrug. I lied.

HI IM SORRY I SUCK I KNOW I DIDNT UPDATE MY WIFI WENT OUT AND I STILL CANT PUBLISH ON MY PHONE BUT HERE!! pls feel free to let me know how u likemy story and THANK YOU FOR 300 READS WOO