Dear Diary

Chap 4

January 2014: Age 17

Dear diary,

Last year has been tough for me. I have been severely depressed that I even start to self harm.

But I'm trying to avoid that now, if I can. 

This year, I plan to build a new me! I need to build up my self esteem!

Yesterday, I started my first real relationship.

I read my previous pages on my diary and it surprised me to see that my self esteem back then was lower too. I think from age 13 until now, 17, was what build up to be my depression now to the point where I even self harm. 

I was desperate for love and now I have one. 

My boyfriend is really sweet. He's not afraid to say his feelings. He's the opposite of me. I have like him for 2 years. 

I still couldn't comprehend on what had happen. 

Nathan Smith, he's the opposite of me. Everyone knows him, he knows everyone. 

He's cute too and not so tall. We were about the same height but he was a little taller than me.

We used to talk from time to time. He was popular with the ladies. So I knew that I had no chance.

But this year is different. He talked to me last week and he even said that he likes me. 

He even talks to me longer than usual. And on Monday, I was hyper because I have been thinking about him throughout the weekend. Now he has notice me, like really noticed me. 

I wrote what I felt about him on my blog and I printed it out for Laila to read it. But after lunch time, Nathan saw me with the paper and he wanted to read it. 

I plead him to not read it and even bluff him saying I wasn't the one that wrote it. He found it suspicious because I repeated the words "I didn't write it."

Since he wouldn't give up, I gave up and just let him read it. 

I have never been so embarrass in my whole life!

Somehow, from the first sentence, he knew that it was about him. 

 He didn't comment about it for what felt like hours. He said he needed a perfect time to ask me out. So, I just said "Just ask me."

When he did, I was actually scared to say yes because I felt that we needed time to know each other more. But I convinced myself that we can get to know each other whilst dating, right?

After biting my lips and trying to control my shaking hands, I said "Yes."