After You

Willow

Dear Alfie,

I'm sorry. I thought stopping the letters was the right thing to do. People keep encouraging me to move on with my life – presumably to stop me from feeling guilty about everything that's happening with Finn – and I feel like part of that includes leaving you behind. I don't see Bernie any more; she said she was happy with my progress, and if I need counselling again, all I have to do is ask for it. Maybe next year I'll go back – we've got the inquest to deal with in February, and I'm dreading it – but for now, I feel happy with where I am.

There isn't much else to say. I don't want to take up another letter talking about Finn the entire time – reading back on the last few letters I sent, that's all I ever seemed to do – but we spend all of our time together. I don't feel that I'm trying to keep up with him or obsessing over him in the way I sometimes did about you. Being with him is easy, so we do it all the time. We aren't officially together, though. I'm scared of what everyone will say.

There I go again, talking about Finn. I'm sorry. Maybe it's best if I do stop writing for a while. I spoke to Max the other day, and he told me that he's still writing to you regularly. That's why I'm writing this. I felt guilty, but I can't let guilt stop me from living my life. If Max wants to keep writing letters to a dead person, that's his choice.

I need some time.

Willow