All my love

2%

I've always wanted to be a model. Ever since I turned five years old.

I would pose for pictures, dress up. And make my family watch my homemade fashion shows.

It was my way of forgetting about my stupid feelings that made me fearful, sick, and confused.

Modelling was an escape. Walking around,hand on hip, a smile on my face as I sassily walked down the drive. Posing when I got to the end of the road. To turn and walk back again.

It made me happy. Neighbours would stand at the end of the road just watching, and cheering over me. Some would hand me money, but my mum would always make me give it back.

But that's where I met Kelsey. The little five year girl who lived next door to me. I would see her around the garden, taking photos on her dads old camera.

Until one day she saw me posing. She ran over and took photos of me as I posed for them. And since then it's been the same. Nothing's changed

But when I was fifteen, everything went downhill. And that was it for me. I wanted to stop my life. Nothing made me happy.

Until four months later, I began modelling again, and instantly I forgot about it all. My mind focusing on nothing but my smile as I posed for Kelsey as she took different photos of me.

I loved it. But when I stopped I remembered everything again.

Until a modelling agency found my Instagram page. I was only around 500 followers. Nothing that I had expected to be noticed at.

By the time I was 17 I was known everywhere. I had ten million followers. I was on covers for vogue, Calvin Klien everything you could think of I had been on it.

And since then I've been modelling everyday for the past 7 years.I've never had to think about my past and my real life.

When I model I'm not The real Mia conte. Heck ever since I turned fifteen I've never been the real Mia conte.

Fuck, It's all an act tearing me apart slowly everyday.im only the real Mia conte when Kelsey's around. But even then I sometimes keep up the act because I'm ashamed.

But when I play the act, I feel happy, amazing. And I honestly truly love the character every girl wants to be.

I find it funny how people don't know. It's like I have secret identity nobody knows about.

I've been to councling but nothing seems to work. The character never goes away. It stays with me. Whether I like it or not.

And sometimes I suddenly break down. Anywhere and whenever. If my thoughts run wild then I'm done. And Kelsey knows when it's about to happen

Nine times out of ten Kelsey knows when I'm about to break down, and spill the truth. So usually I never get to the point when I tell the whole world, what's wrong with me.

I can't really, I'm a celebrity, I'm supposed to have the perfect life without a flaw, and if anybody finds out I'm done.

It's cruel but it's the way it works. I'm happy keeping up this act though. Because it makes me feel happy.

And I forget about the thoughts.

The boys seem to love the fake Mia conte just as much as I do. And yes I do go out to clubs, and I have had more than a few one night stands in my lifetime, I'm not the type of girl to go clubbing, get wasted and bring a guy home three times every week.

Neither real or fake Mia is like that. I tend to go clubbing once a week if that, but when I do I go for it. Drink my heart out, meet a guy and spend the night with him. I do love that. But I wouldn't waste my life on it.

I've only had a few real relationships in my life.but nothing I would call commitment.

I just haven't found anyone who I trust enough, or to have real feelings. But I'm fine with it.

It doesn't really bother me. For me being single, is enjoyable.

"Hello" I made my way downstairs to find Kelsey in the kitchen, a folder and a cup of coffee in one hand and her phone in the other

"Hi" I reply, giving her a quick hug. She placed everything on the kitchen table before turning to look at me

"Are you free tonight?" Her question was casual, but at the same time pleading

"Well you usually keep my schedule, so am I?" I ask and kelsey rolled her eyes

"Okay then, you and me are going to drama tonight. We haven't been in a while and I miss it" she said

"Sure, what time" I say looking up at the clock on the kitchen wall. It's twenty past five already wow

"Like eight?" She questioned "I have a few things to do before hand, but I'll meet you outside the club" she said

"Okay" I nod "can I ask you a question?"

"Of course" her answer was quick, but she made no eye contact. Instead reading an email on her phone

"I've been thinking a lot and"

"And what?" She asked, her focus still plastered on her phone

"Doesn't matter, I'll see you later" I say

"Okay" she smiled "bye babe" she hugged me before running of. Leaving the folder on my kitchen counter,guess that was for me then.

I lifted it up, placing it against my chest as I walked into the living room. Taking a seat on the beige couch Before opening it up.

It was just my modelling photos. Stuff I've already seen myself but still hasn't been published yet.

I should look through them and decide what one. I can do that later. But for now I decided to shower and get ready for tonight.

I haven't been out in a while so I'm looking forward to it.i guess.