All my love

16%

"Are...are you okay?"

I couldn't take my eyes of the pair In front of me. Conor staring right at me his eyes burning into mine. The girl next to him, clinging onto his shoulder smiling into the cameras

"Y-yeah, I'm going home" I say finally tearing my gaze from Conor's and leaving the group of yelling people, flashing cameras, and the calls of my best friend.

I know I shouldn't feel mad, I know i shouldn't feel sad. But I'm not angry at the fact he kissed his ex. I'm not in charge of the man for crying out loud, he can do what he likes.

The reason I'm mad, the reason I'm hurt is because I was used. I was used just for some singer, to fuck me and then leave me. I know that's all he wanted me for. And I know I should have seen it coming because guys like Conor Maynard don't go for girls like me.

They just don't, no reason to it. It just doesn't happen. We aren't alike and we weren't meant to be together. He was just a stupid mistake I made by letting him come into my life without a real purpose.

Because nothing was going to come out of this other than a friendship but even then I already have a great Friendship with the people who haven't stabbed me in the back. Who haven't used me. Who haven't just wanted to fuck me to then Leave me.

And I can't answer the question 'WHY ARE YOU ANGRY?' Because it's something I don't know the answer to. I just am. I feel so hurt, so broken. You would think I would be used to it by now. After all nothing in my life goes right.

But this is something different. It's something so dreadful but I haven't felt it before.i haven't felt this mad, this hurt, this confused ever in my life. It's such a different feeling than everything else.

It's such a sad feeling that it actually makes you laugh. And not because it's funny but because it's confusing and you don't know how to feel. Whether to be sad, angry or hurt. It's just confusing. And that's what worse about it.

The worst feeling -even worse than heartbreak- is confusion because it messes with you, and you don't know how to feel. All you know is everything is wrong.

And the best place, when you feel like that. Is you're bed, you're own comfort. You're own thoughts..No matter how messed up they are.

"Mia" I buried my head into my pillow more. God why am I feeling like this. I shouldn't. I don't even know Conor Maynard.

I guess i just feel sorry for him. Sorry for myself even. Letting someone play me like that. How couldn't I see it coming?

"Mia come on" my body was rolled over, so all I could see was the white ceiling above me "You okay?" I sighed propping my body up to lean against the headboard

I turned my head slowly, for some reason the tears not failing to stop running down my cheeks. I didn't want this day to end like this. Fuck I never wanted to feel like this. I don't even know why I'm crying

For some messed up reason it feels worse than anything else. But it shouldn't. It just shouldn't "I don't know honestly" I shrug "I shouldn't feel like this. Conor Maynard is nobody to me"

"He was obviously something mi, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling like this" Kelsey gently ran the Palm of her hand up and down my arm

"He doesn't, He was nothing but a nobody to me that waltz on into my life, just to fuck me and then run back to his ex that he still hasn't gotten over" I start to speak, letting everything get the best of my as my voice level raised "it's just all the fucking Same isn't it, all the same. He's exactly like every other boy in this world. And to think I honestly thought he was different but this just proves he's a dick, like the rest of them" i yell.

That's when the room fell completely silent. Nothing else was said, nothing else needed to be said. Just the warm, comforting embrace of my friend was enough for me to relax.

"Why do I feel like this Kelsey, Why is Conor so empowering over my emotions" I sob into her shoulder, I don't think I've ever held onto her so tight. Just needing this hug to last as long as it can.

"I think this is more than Conor taking over the way you feel, I think it's the way you're telling yourself to feel" she finally spoke up "Mia do you ever think that maybe...you're telling yourself to feel what ever you feel right now"

She's right. She's so right. Although I know I shouldn't feel sad, I'm making myself feel it. It's not Conor's fault, it's not his ex's fault. It's my fault

This is all my fault.

Everything is my fault. My dad passing, dumping all my problems on Kelsey,faking who I really am and letting myself get used is all my fault

I can't blame Conor, I can't blame anybody but me. But my stupid ignorant self.

But A part of me wishes it was Conor that came running after me. Even though Kelsey is truly the only person I would ever need In my life, it just feels as if something still isn't right.

I just can't tell what.

Conor's pov

"Be there by four thirty"

God why. Why is this happening. I wonder what would happen if I just didn't turn up. What could he do? Fire me. Okay yeah that's a road I don't want to go down. But I also don't want to go down to Hyde park and do this.I don't want to, nobody would. But show business is show business and I do what I'm told when it comes to work

"Hey baby" god that voice drives me crazy, and not in a good way. More in a way of anger, regret even. A voice I can't stand anymore

"Okay before this happens, get it through you're head that it means nothing. I've been told to do this end of. I don't have feelings for you, I don't want to be with you, this is for work purposes only got it" some might say I'm being harsh, some might say that's no way to speak to a person.

But it's not, she needs to hear it. If you know Hilary like I do, you know you need to be stern, you need to be mean and even though it makes you feel like a complete and utter arse hole. It needs to be done and she needs to be told.

The time reached four forty five and before I know it, flashing lights are everywhere and I'm crowed. Almost feeling to crowded, too overwhelmed.

"Conor over here"

"Are you guys dating again?"

"Kiss"

So many things thrown at once I didn't know what to do. Kiss her now, or could I run. Push past them all and run home. It doesn't sound to bad to completely honest with you. But I guess I'm just putting off kissing this girl.

And I thought I was, until her soft hands that I am far to familiar with, placed on my face. And the lips I couldn't get enough of last year placing onto mine. Although her lips were so goddamn soft, and welcoming it didn't feel right.

This didn't feel right. My hands securely around her didn't feel right. Her tongue against mine didn't feel right. And my eyes closed didn't feel right.

Nothing felt right.

It didn't feel as good as it did when my lips are against Mia's. Her body doesn't fit perfectly against mine like Mia's does. God how much I wish this was Mia's body in my arms right now. Her lips moving against mine.

And when I pulled back first, needing this kiss to end for the sake of my mental self, I caught my favourite pair of eyes into mine.

Instantly i couldn't breathe, Instantly my heart began to race and instantly I knew I had messed up.

And I instantly knew I had to run.