All my love

21%

"Have you ever thought about telling Conor? Exactly what's going on in You're life?" She asked

I didn't look at her, I didn't make a sound instead I just stared at the coffee table in front of me. My mascara adding more and more layers onto my cheeks every time I blinked and my chest moving a little faster each time I took a deep breath.

Should I tell him? Or maybe is it best if I keep this act up? There's two ways it can go, either one he'll understand completely and be there for me or two does what everyone else does and forgets about me and my problems moving on with their life without me

"No" I shake my head finally turning to look at Kelsey, a sympathetic look on her face "I can't" my voice broke as I spoke, screwing my eyes shut.

The pain in my heart is slowly killing me more and more each day. I can feel it and believe me it hurts so bad.

"How do you feel" Kelsey whispered gently stroking my arm with her soft hands, I looked at her for a couple seconds before looking down at the coffee table in front of me.

Taking in a deep breath I began "how do I feel?" I ask chuckling lightly at the pain and how ridiculously long this has been going for "I feel broken....everyday i wake up knowing that...I'm still broken hearted, everyday I wake up knowing that if I tell anyone my whole career can crash down. Kelsey everyday I wake up knowing that for the next 12 hours I need to keep up an act to make sure I can keep people in my life and then I get home and cry myself to sleep.sometimes I don't even sleep, I lay awake thinking about how shit my life actually is and how so many people want to be me, and in my eyes when they say that, it kills me because if they were like me the world would be such a shit place. That's how I feel, and that's how I've known to feel and nothing can change that" I cry, each breath i take gets faster and faster until I can't control it anymore

And then my hands began to sweat, my face goes numb and my body falls weak and shaky. My mind races to so many different memories and thoughts and I can't keep pretending to be happy in that moment because everything crashes down around me and there's nothing I can do about it because I bring it on myself.

I make myself sad, I make people want to run away from me forever because I'm weird and not right in the head. Im not like everybody else im different in such a bad way I can't even begin to describe to you and nobody knows

"Let's just say Conor finds out, what do you think would happen" she questioned

"He would leave me because he doesn't want to be known as the guy that hangs around with the messed up model" I say like she doesn't already know the answer

"Or he'll be happy you actually came out and told him how you feel, and he'll love you even more because he knows the real you" Okay I guess she has a point.

But no. Just no. I'm not risking loosing him. It's 50/50 Chance and I'm not willing to take it, if it does mean loosing him. He's fallen in love with the character so let's keep it at that.

What if he gets annoyed I've lied about who I am and he doesn't love that. Then what, he's gone and once again I'm badly broken. He's the best thing thats happened to me in a such a long time loosing him isn't an option for me

•

"Hello"

"Hi Mia right?"

"Yeah, jack?"

"Correct, listen something's happened to Conor, please meet me at the hospital in west London I can't do this alone" he said his voice cracking. In the distance I could hear the sound of an ambulance siren. Obviously jack was following the ambulance