All my love

15%

"Okay but how was it? Was he good? Or just average. Girl I need to know" the annoying sound of my best friends voice as we walked around Victoria secret surrounded me. She will not stop. I'm now regretting the decision of telling her about Conor.

"Kels, please stop. I told you everything you need to know. Now stop with the question's" I sigh picking up some cute black lingerine and putting it into the basket

"Alright, you're my best friend that's all. I just want to make sure all is okay" she smiled picking up a few things for herself in the mean time

"Well, all is good" my reply was vague hoping she would get the message that I Didn't want to talk about it anymore. I placed my things on the counter and the lady scanned them

The total came to seventy pounds and believe me I didn't expect to spend that much today. But hey, life is just full of surprises.

"Did I tell you I met up with a boy last night" Kelsey's arm looped into mine as she grinned at what she just said. This girl is too much. Even for me sometimes

"What a Surprise, what number is this? one hundred and fifty six?" I ask a small chuckle leaving my lips as we exited The shop, walking into the busy London street

"No" she scoffed "it was one hundred and fifty seven" she squealed making me laugh. That's just Kelsey for you.

I told you we were Completely different. She just loves.. to be honest I don't know what to call it. I guess hooking up with random men, sleeping with them with a 70% chance of getting an STD. But hey that just sounds ridiculous.

"But he was just great. His right arm full of tattoos and oh my god his body was incredible" she rambled here we go again.

The amount of different guys she's explained to me to tells me she honestly doesn't have a type. Each guy is so different I don't understand how she does it

"Do you ever think you'll settle down?" I ask, staring ahead of me. Debating whether this was a good topic to go into or not but I've already said it, and there's no turning back

"Mhm...I would hope so, after I've explored enough" she smiled turning her head to look at me "what about You?"

"Yeah, I would love to settle down. Not now obviously but when I'm older, I want to get married, live in a house with my husband and create a family" I shrug "it just seems incredible. You see all these happy family's and honestly I wouldn't mind it"  I ramble, honestly if I could I would talk and talk and talk for hours and hours

It's a habit I've learnt to love. I used to not like it so I wouldn't talk. And now thinking about it, it just sounds stupid.
So what if I could talk for hours it's not exactly a bad thing is it? If anything its good I guess... but hey another thing I didn't like about myself.

"I'm happy with my life right now though, I don't want to settle down just yet. Not until I know I'm ready" Kelsey said. The thing me and Kelsey relate to the most is that we've never been in love.

We've never felt so strongly for another human, that we would love to be with. I want to. God how I would love to find someone and know I love them. I just can't for some reason.i haven't met the one obviously.

And I honestly can't wait for the day, I meet the love of my life. And truly feel that connection. The amazing connection that people say is the best feeling in the whole world. I can't wait for it, it's something I think about a lot to be honest.

Just another distraction from how shit my life is....

Yeah I know how lucky I am, with my career. But I want more than that. And I kind of feel a connection with Conor.i just know it's not strong to be love. More than friendship but not love

Although, Conor Maynard isn't the type of guy I would see as the 'boyfriend' type. For me that is. To be honest I don't know what I'm exactly feeling towards him or with him.

Mixed emotions? Yeah you could say that...

"What's going on over there" I ask unlooping my arm from hers to point over to a group of people with cameras. Paparazzi.

"Let's go see if it's anybody famous" Kelsey smiled taking my hand and pulling me along behind her "excuse me, hello coming through. Move" Kelsey said pushing past a whole load of people

"Kelsey chi-" I didn't finish what I was beginning to say, Nor did I move. It was like the air had been knocked out of me, all at once.

But why am I angry. Why am I sad. I don't know. Once again 'mixed emotions'

I never thought seeing Conor Maynard making out with his ex could make me feel the way it does. How, for some reason made me feel like my heart may be once again broken.

But what I don't understand is how, somebody can go around saying how messed up their ex is, how they want that person out of their life to then going back to kissing each other. For the whole world to see

And what it makes this whole thing worse. Was that he used me. He lied to me. "I don't want to just get into you're pants" were the exact words that fell from his lips. And those, exact words were a lie.

A big fat stupid lie.

I couldn't help the tears in my eyes, I couldn't help the race of my heart, I couldn't help the- for some reason - heart break i felt as the situation unfolded in front of Me. At such a quick rate I couldn't exactly grasp it all at once.

And I couldn't help the stare I made when the kiss finally broke, and his bright blue eyes, staring into mine as his face dropped to immediate guilt And that's when it hit me.

I was used. I was his sex toy. I was used for him to forget.

To forget...right enough. All he wanted was my body and that was it.

And to think, I had finally grew a liking to this boy.

But that's what happens, and that's why I don't fall in love.