The story of James and Lily

Forgive and Forget

Lily's pov
We walked back to the castle quietly and after telling me he didn't want to go back to the hospital wing James suggested we go straight to our dorm since we were both off lessons today. The walk back was quiet with only a few brief comments exchanged here and there, I can quite clearly see that he's not totally okay yet.

Once in the dorm James collapses down on the sofa and I soon go and sit beside him. He's starring into the empty fireplace and not saying anything, creating such an unsettling tension in the room that I can't take it anymore. I move closer and lean against him slightly, resting my arm on his shoulder so my hand sits just on his chest. "What are you thinking?" I ask curiously.
He sighs angrily and looks at me "anything that's going to stop me going and punching snivillus in his smug little face" he spits looking away again. "James..." I mutter "don't"
"Don't worry....I'm not going to. I won't give him the satisfaction of thinking he's got to me
He doesn't have you.....you don't love him...and that's all that matters" I can't quite tell if his words are just a statement or his way of reminding and reassuring himself but either way his slightly shaken voice and vulnerability is enough to make my heart ache. "James look at me" I tell him, he does as I ask and meets my gaze, his beautiful hazel eyes resting on mine.
"I told you that meant nothing and I meant it okay? I should never of agreed to meet Sev, I should of known he'd try something eventually and it wasn't fair on you.....but I'm done with him now, he's to far gone and I won't loose you over him" he nods and goes to speak, "no I need to say this, i know you're still going to be upset but I'm going to spend as long as it takes winning you over, your fought for me for 6 years and now it's my turn" I smile,
He smirks and looks down briefly "well I guess it'd be nice to be chased" he jokes shrugging.
I laugh and stand up, offering him my hand "come on, you should get some rest, I bet you've been up all night" he willingly follows me to his room and crawls in bed while I close the curtains before joining him.
"I am sorry you had to see that though..after everything" I whisper into the dimness, I feel James snake his arm around my waste and pull me closer to him so our bodies are pressed against each other. "I know you are...and it was horrible seeing that again, knowing that this time it really was you....but you know what the worst part was?" I shake my head silently waiting for his response. "I would of forgiven you"
"What do you mean?" I ask, confused by his statement. He takes a deep breath and shifts his body so he's lying flat on his back looking up at the ceiling. "When I saw you there...him kissing you and then you pulling away I knew that even if it had been different, if you'd of wanted to kiss him in that moment I would of forgiven you...and that's what scared me Lily, I didn't know why but I still wanted to be with you and I'm not sure how much I'd go through before that changed. I was scared that for a second everything we'd been through, everything we'd talked about was all a lie and I was still going to be okay about it..I was scared you were just going to hurt me in the end" I feel a few tears start to run down my face as I listen, how can I of hurt him so badly, how could I of let myself get into the situation that could cause him such pain when all he's done is protect and love me. "I'll never hurt you James. Never okay, I swear and I don't want you to forgive me if I ever did" I tell him confidently. "Okay....but just so you know, I might take a little while to be completely alright again"
"That's okay, I understand. Take all the time you need"
He presses his lips against my forehead and hesitates before pulling away "thank you, and we should try and forget about it now....I don't want to waist any time worrying about something that can't be changed"
"Yeah. You're right" I agree just before we both slip into a peaceful slumber.