You Are My Sunshine--Joshler

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"Sometimes I wonder why I'm here. I wonder why God put me here. I wonder what my purpose is. I wonder why I try to live my life even though I don't know why I have one.

But the real question is,why do I find myself thinking about these things. Maybe it's because I'm curious. Maybe it's because it's human nature.

But I think it's just because of who I am. I know that I'm a depressed teenager who's had a rough childhood. I still question my own existence sometimes. And be honest. We all have. It's nothing new.

I'm the emo kid. I'm the gay guy who wants to die. I mean yeah I would much rather not be here to deal with other people's bullshit but I'm not suicidal.

Yeah I used to cut my wrists but I didn't think about the fact that I had a real reason to. I'm being abused. I'm being neglected. I'm a victim of anything but my own mental abuse.

And that makes me sound crazy but I'm not. I'm not crazy, I just have emotional issues. Oh and don't forget the existential crisis. Fun times. I'm not saying I'm depressed because I get really sad sometimes.

I guess I was just born that way. I can't control how I feel. It just happens. And thats another thing. You can't just control your emotions. It's physically and mentally impossible.

You can't just think to yourself "Be happy!" and you'll automatically be happy. It doesn't work like that. You see. That's what's wrong with society these days. Everyone thinks that you can either forget about it and move on or let it take over your life forever.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't forget things because you can forget some things. I've probably forgotten half the stuff I've learned already. You can't just forget about your emotions and move on.

Emotions are what make us human. They're what makes us feel happiness, sadness, anger, etc. Honestly, I wish emotions didn't exist but if they didn't, we wouldn't be human. We'd basically be robots.

And something else that's come to mind while I'm talking about anger. Opinions. People are entitled to them. Sure yeah you can disagree but you don't have to argue about it. If you don't like the same thing as someone else, just ignore it and move on with your day. It's that simple.

I know that this is really long and most likely irrelevant to your life but it helps if I get stuff out.

You're probably like "Just tell someone about it then." No. No. No. it's not that simple. Telling someone that you're emotional is the WORST thing you can do. They'll just play the stereotype game and say "oh it's puberty" or "oh it's just because you're gay." No honey. It's more than that.

Being an emotional person isn't determined by age or by gender. It's determined by god knows what. Most of the time, it's because of your genes. But I'm not going too into detail about it because if I did I wouldn't know what I'm talking about.

And yeah I understand that I'm just a 16 year old that's about to be 17 but I know a thing or two about life. I'm not looking for attention. I'm speaking my mind. I'm literally typing down every word that's come into my head.

"Oh yeah he's just a 16 year old boy he doesn't know what he talking about because he doesn't have enough life experience." God what a run on sentence. But yeah, I do know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about how I'm emotional.

You don't have to have "life experience" to know that you're an emotional person. It's not rocket science. You don't have to do some big long equation to figure out that you have mood swings. It's easy to tell.

And just because I'm 16 doesn't mean I don't have life experience. I've been to more funerals in my life that you've probably ever been to in your however old you are years of living.