You Are My Sunshine--Joshler

10

(lmao sorry for not updating in 40 years)

-tyler-

I play the song Liability by Lorde softly on my phone, drawing Josh, making sure every detail is perfect. I hear Josh shuffle around and look over to him, seeing his eyes open.

"Turn the volume up and come here."

"Josh, I'm busy..."

"Now, Tyler."

I sigh and bite the inside of my cheek, turning the volume up, turning it on repeat. I crawl in the bed, Josh wrapping his arms around me tightly. 

"J-Josh I can't b-breathe..."

He loosens his grip a little, not much, but enough. I look at Josh, his eyes still open, staring into my own. I bite down on the inside of my cheek and draw blood. I wince and sit up, tasting the blood. Josh sits up with me. 

"What's wrong baby?"

"I bit down on my cheek and it's bleeding."

"Let me see."

I open my mouth. 

"Oh my god. Tyler, bathroom. I'll be in there in a second."

"Josh, I'll be fine."

"I'm not asking, I'm telling. Go."

I sigh and get up, walking into the bathroom, wetting a cloth and holding it to the inside of my cheek, gently. 

"Rinse your mouth out with this."

Josh hands me a cup of salt water.

"Oh geez okay."

After I rinse my mouth out, I walk out of the bathroom, my mouth still burning from the salt water.  I can't help but notice that he's getting defensive and aggressive(a/n B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E BE AGGRESSIVE B-E AGGRESSIVE I'm sorrrryyyyy) ever since I noticed the scar on his neck. I take the cloth out of my mouth and take a deep breath. Am I really about to break my promise? 

"Josh..."

"What Ty..."

"I want to know..."

"Tyler. You promised me you wouldn't ask."

"I know but the curiosity is eating away at my skin and it's driving me insane."

"Tyler. No."

I sigh and tell myself that I'm brave enough to even ask. I look at Josh, my eyes traveling down to the scar. I look away and down at the floor. I want to know so bad. I decide to just leave it alone and clear my head. I walk over to my wardrobe and pull out a pair of sweatpants and my vans, putting them on. I walk to my window, opening it and stepping out, walking to the treehouse. Josh doesn't follow me. I was kind of wishing he would. So he could hear me sing. that's why I'm going now. To sing. I climb the ladder, stepping into the treehouse and going to the corner with my ukulele. I pick it up and play some sort of tune until I realize what it is. I hum You Are My Sunshine and smile, a stray tear falling. I look up at the roof, my voice growing hoarse from the sobs I'm trying to push down my throat. I don't want to cry. I don't even know why I would be. I finally give in, the tears falling. I hear the leaves crunching, knowing who it is. I wipe the tears from my eyes and try to recollect myself. I hear him walking up the ladder.

"Ty. Are you okay baby?"

"I-I'm fine Josh. Just needed to um, clear my head is all."

"Stop lying to me. You're not fine. Look at yourself."

Josh walks over to me, sitting down beside me, wrapping his arm around my waist like the first time we met. I smile at the thought, but it soon turns back into a frown. I move Josh's hand and grab my ukulele, standing up. I walk over to the corner where it was, setting it down, seeing the small wooden box I keep the picks in. I pick up, opening the box, looking at the small, thin wooden ukulele picks in the box. I notice another small one inside of it and take the box out, setting the one with the picks down. I open it and immediately close it back, tears welling up in my eyes. I close the box and slowly put it back in the one with the picks. I close that one, along with my eyes. I can hear Josh talking but his words are slurred.

"Tyler!"

I open my eyes to see Josh in front of me, his hands on my shoulders. 

"What?"

"You blacked out for like, half an hour. I'm surprised you stood up the whole time."

Josh surrounds me in a hug.

"What was in the box Ty."

"Where'd you get that scar, Josh?"

"You are so stubborn. I'll tell you, but you have to tell me first."

I nod, holding out my pinky. He takes mine in his. I open the big box and take the small one out. 

"When I was about 15, I was clinically depressed. I eventually got better, but not entirely. When I was 16, I got my dad to build the treehouse, just so I could come up here and have some time to myself. But, he didn't know why. I would come up here every day after school, after everyone got done yelling at me, calling me irrelevant. I would come up here and cut my wrists until I had no more room."

I roll my sleeves up, revealing scars going from my wrists to my elbow.

"They go up farther than that. But when I finally stopped cutting, I kept this box of razor blades. I don't know why. I just did..."

I open it, revealing about 15 blades, still sharp and unused. I look over to Josh. He has tears in his eyes.

"Tyler... why? Why wou- why would you do this to yourself? I understand the clinically depressed part.. but I just... Tyler..."

"Your turn Joshy."

"Okay. When I was young, very young, my mom hadn't divorced my dad yet. He would hit me and tell me that I'm not good enough, and I believed him. Later, my mom divorced him when she walked in on my dad taking a wooden bat to my side, him screaming at me. A few months ago, she let him come back into our lives. I was happy, Tyler. I was happy before he can back. When he came back, he was better for about a week. Then he started hitting me again, but one night it got bad. He had gotten beyond drunk and I was coming home from a friends house. I walked in the door and a knife comes flying at me, cutting my neck..."

"Oh my God, Josh I'm so sorry.."

I attack Josh, hugging him as tight as I possibly can. I cry into his shoulder, now understanding why Josh is the way that he is. It's not his fault. It's his father's.

"Josh."

"Yes Tyler?"

"Can we go back inside now?"

"Of course."