SMALL TALKS

ashes.

23:36
the world outside is dark, clouds cascade across the skyline, entirely blocking the moon and its accomplices - however, I knew if I had you here everything would be much brighter; you was always like that single fire.

23:49
it's not like I still don't see you, I see you in everything I do, every face I see is constructed by your atoms, I see your light reflected in their eyes, in their smile, everything you said written in their words, and it's why I'm constantly being told to listen.

00:54
you always said I had the entire solar system in my eyes, planets trapped between our hearts, no travel needed, with fingers tangled together in between limbs, converting currents into energy, your heart into mine,

we was a mixture of angel wings and fairy dust, supernovas and comets, hummingbirds and crystal lakes,

now everything is completely different.

01:23
remember when you rang me up at 01:23 in the morning on that Friday night, with the world in your hands, tongue too tied to speak, mind twisted with chemicals, the only word you could repeat being mine, over and over, until it became worn out and was funny to hear, numb on the tongue and falling clumsily through chapped lips. you regretted it later, but I thought nothing had ever sounded more beautiful.

I wish I'd told you.

01:43
my favourite time was when we took that drive up to the mountain top, made up entirely of collarbones clashing together, kiss swollen lips, crimson tinting cheekbones, moon drenched skin and winking stars, stray eyelash against your cheek, hammering of hearts being the only sound to be heard, we were way up high, perhaps a little too high, but that night, you made my fear of heights completely evaporate.

02:55
when I try to close my eyes all I can see is your irises of cerulean shot with gold, your lips humming against my cheek as we drift off into the angel's cavern.

04:12
the pillow has your scent sewed into the sheets. still.

04:46
I want nothing more than to hear that usual sleep-coated voice growling down the phone each morning; you never liked to wake before noon.

I used to despise the way you always littered my floor with your clothes and empty cans, but now I'd pay to see the same old stains in my carpets, if only they was left by you.

I'll never forget the words you left imprinted on my brain, tucked away right beneath rocks and hidden in caverns, nobody else could ever find them.

I'd do anything to hear the way they sounded on your tongue again.

04:57
you constantly said you hated yourself, but I could never see a single flaw on you.

05:00
I still don't. I never will. not when every inch of you is coated in gold. I'd have have shifted mountains to make you see that.

05:05
my eyelids are heavy, yet won't stay closed, muscles aching, breeze in the air, hairs on end, the wind is howling, it's whispering your name on its lips, tapping on the window, like its calling, calling for you, calling in every raindrop spilled from lifeless clouds, rustling in the trees, shouted by the clash of lightning and rattle of thunder, nothing will ever make you not matter.

05:46
promise me you'll never leave.

05:48
this world's too big and too cold and I'm too bent and too jagged to face it alone, not when your flame isn't here besides me, not when I have nothing to pour my gasoline into, it feels useless without you. please never leave.

05.49
please say you haven't already left.

06:01
I should have been looking. I should have been more careful. 

06:39
even if you're not here, I will forever hear your name ringing in my ears, and feel your words dancing on my tongue as you coat my skin in obsidian.

but if you're not coming back, then what's the point?

06:36
just please answer your phone.

06:36

please?

<this line has been disconnected>

-----

- it's been two years, and I've realised; you don't warm me anymore.

you turned my love to ashes.