A Jedi's Hope

Chapter 11

High, low, left, high, right.

High, low, left, high, right.

High, low, right, low, left.

Block low, jab, slash, block high, jab!

I spin around and my blades set on low connect with the training robots that surround me, the blades don't cut but they do deactivate the droids if it's a kill shot.

Block right, slice down, jab, block low.

Getting into the rhythm I start to increase the intensity, I continue the blade combat but add in blaster fire.

Block, reflect, jab, dodge, jump, spin, reflect, jab!

I go from one blade at a time to two, I continue to defeat the droids, 3 droids come at me with blades, their designs made to match that of a Jedi.

Swing, block, jab, reflect, spin, dodge, jab, slice, block high, jab, block low left right, block high, jab, however as I do my final jab I get cut across the bicep forcing me to back away. In anger, I use the force to lift two droids and crush them, using their shells I throw them at the other two flinging the 2 blocks of zapping electrical arcs and crumbled metal into the wall, hearing foot steps behind me I spin around and bring down my on where the head should be "Ahhh" I scream as I spin. However, as I bring down my blade on my foe I realise that it has colourful hair of Sabine and not a training droid, I quickly stop my attack and the blades, however they continue to a short stop next to her face in line with her eyes. She stands completely still, almost like a statue, I see the shock and fright in her large eyes and her arms are half raised as if to stop the blade. I quickly disengage my blade and return it to my hip.

"sorry Sabine... didn't know you were there". Her body language softens and she eases out of her statue like state. "It's alright Ez... but you need to stop training so hard" she mutters out, obviously still trying to calm down "Ez?" I laugh. Immediately her face goes bright red from embarrassment "oh sorry I. ahhh didn't mean to say it" she says nervously "it's fine. Anyway, I kinda like it" I say with a quick wink causing her face to brighten even deeper. "I just wanted to let you know that we're preparing to march the capital", I sigh "very good... you can leave now" I say dismissing her, I wanted to be alone. The stress from fighting was getting to me, this wasn't how Jedi were supposed to act, we weren't murders, we aren't supposed to kill unless we have to. And yet, for weeks I had been fighting with Sabine, the blood of my enemies was layered thick on the ground and upon my clothes.

"Ezra what's wrong?" she asks not following my orders "nothing" I say turning around "Ez, for the past few days you've been like this. Always on edge, tired, drained. I just want to help me... just let me in..." she mumbles the last part. I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Sabine... it's nothing, I'm just not used to all this" "killing" she finishes for me while walking towards me, she stands in front of me and pulls me into a deep embrace. After a few minutes, she pulls out slightly and rests her head on my chest. "Ezra..." she exhales quietly "yeah bean". We go into an awkward silence as she builds up the strength to say what she wants to.

"Ezra. It's not easy for me to admit this... but I think I may. Finally. Ah. Love you" she stutters out. oh shit... romantically or brotherly? "like romantically" I question her "yes you dork" she giggles oh... what the hell am I supposed to tell her. I stand still in shock and thought. What the fuck am I supposed to do "you don't feel the same do you" she says with an upset voice "what? Ah no bean. I do love, I really do... but when you didn't return the feeling I kinda grew out of it. I love you... but as a sister" I exhale. She moves out of the embrace with her hands still hanging. She's distraught, she doesn't know what to do it's like her world just crumbled around her... what have I done? "oh. I. I see" she barely manages to say as her eyes swell up with tears at the realisation "well I've got to go see my mum" she says and quickly hurries out of the room "Sabine" I yell after her "Sabine wait!" but alas she doesn't listen and continues on her way "what have I done" I mumble

End of flashback

It's been three days since the 'incident'. She has avoided me the whole time, only being in a room with me if she has to. As we stand at the gates of the city I look over to my left and Sabine stands there talking to some fellow leaders, preparing for the final assault. She has her helmet off and I can see the bags under her eyes from lack of sleep but fresh red marks of crying still evident on her face. I really fucked up... I need to fix it but I don't know how. Without hearing him approach Tristan but's his hand on my shoulder, I look over at him but his staring at his sister "what happened" he said without looking and n anger in his voice "I fucked up. She admitted she had feelings for me..." I mumbled the last part but he finishes for me "and you didn't return said feelings". "yeah..." I sigh, "it'll pass, she gets over it eventually" ... "I hope your right" I said as I put my helmet "let's begin" I say through my built-in com and everyone jumps into action rushing to their assigned positions, I see Sabine quickly put her helmet on and run to her the gate and begins to hack into it to open.

Tishhh. The gate opens and all hell begins. Immediately blaster fire rains down upon us as the opposing clan open fires, we quickly return the fire and I pull out the dark saber. With one hand, I activate it and point it towards the enemy "move forward" I yell into the comms and we all rush towards the incoming fire "forgetting about Sabine I start to hack my way through the opposing Mandalorians. Block right, slice down, jab, block low. I say in my head as I go over my form, but I slip up. I let her into my head "it's not my fault" I yell at some random as I cut him down "we wouldn't be in this position if she had admitted this to me months ago" I scream at another as I stab him in the chest and pull out allowing him to drop to the floor dead. "it's her fault" I yell at another before quickly removing his head. Each man I cut down I start getting angrier and angrier. I start using my hate as a weapon and begin mowing everyone down like a tornado of death "Piece" another person dies "of" another person headless "kriffing" well his got no arms and a whole in his chest now "Bantha" his been disembowelled "shit" cut that one in half "fuck" I swing and connect with someone "fuck you! Fuck You! FUCK YOU!!!!!!" I scream and spin around leaving multiple dead and come completely cut in half. I see the opposing clan leader and he notices that I've seen him and takes a half step back in fear. A bunch of his men run in front to protect him but I use the force and drag all 20 of them into the air by their throats and fling them into a nearby wall. I hear a bunch of cracks coming from them but I don't give them a second look, either their necks just snapped or they're not getting up for a while.

The clan leader starts to walk backwards before spinning around and running, I chase for a few moments before I use the force and lift him into the air by his throat and spin him to face me. Although he is 10 metres away I see his scared expression from his helmetless face. Fear. Pure and utter fear. I smirk as his paling petrified face comes flying towards me and the last of his blood drains from his face as the blade from the dark saber pierces his stomach. I drop his cold dead body and look around, 90% of their forces lay dead and the majority of their dead come from my blade. What have I done... I gave into the dark side. I embraced the hate and used it as a weapon. My weapon. I enjoyed the death that I rained down. I need Kanan. I need Leia. I need someone to tell me that it's alright and lie to me and tell me I'm not a monster. But I have no one. I drop to my knees, raise my hands and stare at the hands that killed countless people just trying to defend their city. I'm a monster. I fall forward onto all fours and throw up on the ground. I'm sick. I'm a freak.

I stand there for what felt like eternity before a feel the gentle touch of a woman's hand on my shoulder. I quickly get up and look around at all the death I had caused. So much death. Focusing on the person who was next to me I see Bo Katan, leader of clan Kryze. I pull the darksaber off my belt and shove it into her hands. She looks down at the new blade in her hand and looks back up at me. "my lord?" she questions me I back up slowly looking for an escape from the carnage around me "you're the Manda'lore now" I say straight to her. Before she can say anything, I run. I run from everything. From all the death I caused, from everything I did, from my anger, from Sabine. I make it outside and I see the night brother waiting for me, as I run tears start to fall and run down my cheeks, rather than wiping them away I just push and run faster to my ship. Away from the everyone. And away from that one person calling my name in a desperate plea for me to stay

I jump behind the controls and plug in the coordinates and jump away. Running from my problems... running like a coward. No. the coward I am. I was weak, to weak to follow Kanan's teachings. Would he even accept me anymore, accept me after everything I've done?