The Mistakes We Made

Part XVIII

After spending the rest of the evening all together, having dinner, playing charades and topping it off with a family movie in the living-room, Lindsey and Stevie were now sitting on the small balcony that belonged to his bedroom, each drinking a glass of red wine. Even though, it was a quite warm night in June, Lindsey had wrapped a cozy blanket around Stevie's shoulders to keep her from catching a cold.

"So, how did you like today's family evening at home?", Lindsey asked timidly, taking a look at Stevie, "I mean, I know it was chaotic and you and Leelee didn't have the best start but..-"

"It was wonderful.", Stevie interrupted him with a genuine smile before he could say anything else.

"Really?"

"Yes, I enjoyed it very much. It was a completely new experience for me."

"God, that takes a load off my mind!", Lindsey said, releasing a breath he didn't know he had been holding, "I was terrified the whole experience was going to scare you off."

"Why would you think that?", Stevie asked, taking another sip of wine, then turning her head into his direction to look at him.

"First of all, kids can be very nerve-racking, especially teenagers.", Lindsey said with a chuckle, "And secondly, I really wanted you all to get along. My children mean the world to me. They are the best thing I've ever managed to do in life but they're also a great responsibility. I'm their father, I can't just walk away from them. They will forever be a part of my life. You on the other hand.. Well, you love your freedom, Stevie. You are independent, you can go wherever and whenever you like and not worry about a thing.. So, when something is too emotionally exhausting or just too much trouble for you, you can just decide to leave. I can't do that!"

Stevie looked at him for a moment, thinking about what he had just said, then nodded, "You're right. You're absolutely right but as appealing it may be sometimes to just get up and leave, it's not what I wanted my life to be like. I've always wanted to have a family, to be a mom. I just never got to experience it."

All of a sudden, Lindsey felt bad. Only a few weeks ago, Stevie had laid in his arms, crying about her miscarriages, and here he was telling her that she had no idea what it was like to have children. "I'm sorry, Steves.", he muttered and reached for her hand, "What I just said was totally inappropriate."

"No, it was the truth, Linds.", Stevie said with a sad smile, "I have no idea what it's like to have children, to have such a huge responsibility, but if what we shared tonight is only just a glimpse of what is in store for me in the future, then I can't wait for it."

"You mean that?!", Lindsey asked, completely surprised by her calm reaction.

"Yes, I do."

"I meant what I said, today, when Stella asked all these questions, you know. I want to celebrate Christmas with you and my kids, I want you to join us when we travel to Europe and I want to move in with you in the future.. I want all of it with you by my side. We wasted way too much time."

Stevie's lips curled into a wide smile, "I want that, too.", she muttered and bent forward to place a soft kiss on his lips.

"Have you told Mary, Karen and your family about us, yet?", Lindsey wanted to know.

"No, I haven't, actually..", Stevie admitted, "I wanted to see your kids' reaction first because that one was my biggest fear. My friends and family I can handle.."

Lindsey laughed in response, "I can't wait to see Karen's face when she finds out! That woman hates me!"

"She doesn't hate you!", Stevie said.

Lindsey shot a glance at her.

"Okay, maybe just a tiny little bit..", Stevie laughed then, "But it's just because she knows that whenever Lindsey Buckingham is around, new drama is coming up on her horizon!"

"Great! That's just going to be lovely then, when she's around!"

Stevie let out a hearty laugh, "Be thankful she hasn't been around for the past three months. Usually, she's basically by my side 24/7!"

"Hasn't she expressed her concern, yet?"

"She has. More than once, actually. I told her to cancel all my plans because I wanted to enjoy some time with you without having to leave every few days. I just told her I needed some time off and she should enjoy some free time, too."

"You took a great amount of time off. That was not what we agreed on, actually..", Lindsey said, "I promised you at the beginning that I was not going to turn your life upside down, that you were still able to work and do the things you'd normally do.."

"I know.", Stevie answered, "But I wanted to. I worked hard for the past fifty years of my life and I can still do that in the future. We both knew that our lives were going to change as soon as we tried to be a couple again, Lindsey. It's not as if you forced me to do anything. I'm sixtynine years old and honestly, I love the surprising turn my life has taken. For the first time in a very long time, I feel loved again. I haven't been that happy in ages."

Lindsey had to smile at her words, "I feel just the same about you."

It didn't take much longer and they both decided to go to bed. It had been an exhausting day for the two of them. After her usual skin care routine, Stevie put on her nightie, then crawled into bed to curl up into Lindsey's side, placing her head on top of his chest and wrapping one arm around his waist. 

"I can't believe I'm actually tired, yet.", she said, stifling a yawn, "It's only midnight."

"That's what children do to you. They wear you out!", Lindsey chuckled and brushed some hair out of her face, "I can't believe you used to stay awake all night long just to watch the sunrise."

"Well, it's the most beautiful time of the day."

"Yeah, sure but it makes you look like a vampire!"

"Not fair!", Stevie said, faking a pout and nudging him with the elbow.

Lindsey laughed, then pulled her back into his arms to kiss her soft lips, "I love you so much."

"What you said to Leelee, today... That I am the reason you're happy again.. That was so sweet of you.", Stevie said. She had placed one hand on the side of his face and was deeply looking into his eyes.

"Well, it's the truth.", Lindsey said, "When Kristen broke up with me, I was in a very bad place for quite some time. Leelee was there for me a lot. Every other day, she would come over after school and visit me. I think she was actually really worried about me. I was not eating very well and cooping myself up in this house a lot. I only left to work with Chris on the new album. There was nobody I could talk to because I didn't tell anybody about it. I felt like a failure that hadn't been able to keep his wife happy."

Stevie saw the pain in Lindsey's crystal blue eyes and reached up to softly kiss his nose, "I'm sorry..", she muttered.

"Don't be because I'm not. It brought me right back into your arms.", Lindsey said and gave her one hell of a sensual kiss, "Just where I belong..", he muttered against her lips.

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This story is getting harder and harder to update for me.. I just don't know where to go with it because everyday life isn't particularly exciting and I really don't want to bore you... :/ 

Much love, Lara