Scared

Chapter 3: Friends and More

Break's over and we're back at school. The bell goes off and I'm heading to my first period: English. English is the boringest. Yes, I just said boringest. At least I get to see Bianca. Can't wait to meet all my friends at lunch.

Somehow, I suffer through 4 classes and finally go to meet my friends. "I missed you guys," says Jenny. "Did you guys finish the notes for Stewart?" asks Becky. "OHH shitt!" says Bianca. "I thought they were due Wednesday! God Becky, you could've told me before." "Bianca, I already told you to just make a schedule." "It's okay Bianca, just tell Stewart you left them at home or something" I say. "Well I don't have a choice," she replies. "Okay but guys, Janani's going to 5th period," says Jenny. "Oh my god!" "Oh yeah!" "Are you excited??" they all say. "Ugh, I should've never told you guys. It's nothing. I just like him a little okay. It's no big deal." They begin chattering and saying all sorts of things about us having a relationship stronger than diamonds and having beautiful babies and whatnot.

So here's the thing. There's this guy in my AP Econ class named Brendan. He isn't the hottest or the most popular guy on the planet or something. But he is pretty cute. I'm kind of surprised at how all girls don't drool for him. Like I said, he isn't Mr. Sex Bomb, but he's got a lean body, plays soccer, is funny and kinda looks like a young Matt Damon. He's treated just like any other guy at school; like me, he isn't too popular. I know him because he's been sitting right in front of me the entire school year so far. We talk quite a lot, and make fun of our teacher Mr. Randall. We're definitely friends, we share notes and snap each other. But I don't think he's ever thought of me as more than a friend.

Back to what my friends are saying. Becky, my love, is actually saying some sensible stuff. She's mature, I like to think she's the mom of our group. Her black girl magic left me awestruck the minute I saw her. She's beautiful. Actually, I take that back. All my friends are beautiful. So, Becky's saying "You know what, you guys have been talking for like 3 months now. And I do think he likes you, I've seen him looking at you." I obviously want him to like me, but I honestly don't think he does. "Becky, looking doesn't mean anything. If it did, Brendan has a huge crush on Mr. Randall too." They're all giggling and Becky says "Why don't you think he likes you?" Hmm. To be honest, I think he won't ever like me, because I'm not a 100% white. It's weird, and I'm pretty sure every person of color has thought this. White people like white people. And I say this because I once knew a girl who was nice, all "go gay-pride," "women rock" and everything, but what she said stuck with me. She said "I don't want to be racist, but I don't think I ever want to date someone who isn't white." I know, it's just a preference, and that doesn't mean all white people think like that. There have been countless interracial couples to prove it, my parents being the prime example. But from what I see in mainstream media, movies and tv shows, white people like white people. Interracial couples are such a rare site on screen. It makes me sad to think that Brendan could be one of those people, someone who likes whiteness and just being white. It's hard for a white person to understand what I mean, but I'm pretty sure people of color can relate.

"Ring-ring-ring!" The bell rings. I get to see him now. God he's cute.