Scared

Chapter 5: Mr. Randall's Class

AP Econ tends to get boring sometimes. Mr. Randall is our 53 year old teacher who loves playing documentaries every other day, just to fall asleep in his chair. Even otherwise, his voice is pretty high pitched and he loves to criticize our generation for "having everything on a silver platter," whatever that means. The only reason I like this class is Brendan. We love poking fun at Mr. Randall and just chatting in general. He tells me about Coach Miller and soccer practice, while I tell him about Tech Club. I know his favorite color is army green, which is weird because I'm not his stalker or something. I wonder if he knows mine is burgundy. I also know that his older sister went to NYU, because he told me. I swear I didn't go on a stalking spree. But I like the way he laughs and his smile is a little crooked. I'm pretty sure he has no idea of how cute he is. I remember last year, when we weren't that close, he asked Millie Smith out to prom and was kind of nervous and bad at being flirty. Nonetheless, it was cute. I didn't even go to prom last year. It was my dog's birthday and I couldn't miss it for the world.

The bell rings and I walk into my class for fifth period. I'm kind of scared that I'm going to embarrass myself in front of Brendan, but then realize that we've actually shared quite a few embarrassing stories already. He's already there. I walk to my desk and he says "Hello there, long time no see." "We snapped each other everyday over break, Brendan. But anyways hello." "But I'm seeing you in person after 9 days." "Yeah, I know, people go through life changing experiences over a span of 9 days," I say sarcastically. Sarcasm is something I use to hide my nervousness, and so far it's been pretty effective. "Yes, exactly. You could've lost your leg or something. It's totally possible," he says. I make an apologetic face and we both laugh at how unfunny the joke was. "But anyways, how was break?" I ask. "It was good, could've been better. I did feel kind of lonely 'cause my sister didn't come home for break." "Aww you poor child." "But I did meet up with some friends, like once," he replies. "So what about you? Did you miss me at all?" he asks. I don't know what answer he expects, but I think he's asking me sarcastically. "Yeah," I say, in a very casual tone. "Oh. Uh, well, thanks. I missed you too," he says kind of nervously. I think I have this incredible talent where when I'm nervous, I can just play really cool and confident.

Mr. Randall is saying something in the background while most of us just whisper and chatter. Soon he plays some documentary and goes off to sleep. Brendan turns behind and asks me "Hey, uh, do you want to do the notes with me today, after school? Like, uh, in the library?" I'm kind of shocked. Does he like me or something? "Just because this section seems a little long and hard to get," he continues. "Uhm yeah, sure. Is anyone else gonna be there?" I ask like an idiot. He's gonna think I think he's a freak now, and that I don't want to be alone with him. God. Great going Janani. "Uhm no. Uh I thought we could, uh, just do them, you know?" he says. "Yeah, of course, I was just making sure. Hah," I say in an attempt to fix the situation. "Text me when you get there okay?" I say.

***

"Zzz..zzz.." my phone buzzes. "I'm here, at the table across from the printers." "I'll be there in a minute," I text back. I get there and see Brendan blankly staring into his notebook. He looks up and I give an acknowledging smile. I get to the table and take out my notes. "Okay so what was this section again?" I ask. "Oh, it's inflation." "Alright let's read it then." We begin reading and in about 30 seconds I can't bear it anymore. There's this terrible awkward silence as we both just look into our books. He's fidgety and is tapping his foot on the ground. I just rest my head on my arm and try to actually read. A few minutes later I look up and ask "Okay so what have we got? I see that inflation is the general and ongoing rise in the level of prices in an economy, and that the rate of inflation is measured as the percentage change between price levels over time." He's got a blank look on his face. "Can I be honest? I wasn't even reading," he says. "What? Brendan?" "Yeah, uh, I don't know. I just can't get myself to concentrate." "Hmm. Okay, that's alright. There has got to be a better way of doing this," I say. "Hey how about we each do every other paragraph in the book and in between taking notes we can ask each other random questions?" he asks. "Uhm, yeah sure, that sounds fun." "Okay so now that you already summed up a paragraph, you can ask me a question," he says. "Um okay, who's your favorite musical artist?" I ask. "Kid Rock," he says with a straight face. "What?" I ask, completely perplexed. "Oh my god, I'm kidding. Geez, the look of disappointment on your face," he says laughing. "It's actually the Beatles." "Oh my god I love the Beatles," I say, honestly. We continue with the pattern he suggested, and a few questions in he asks if he can get a little more personal. "Uh, sure, as long as you don't ask me my social security number," I say and we both chuckle. "So, who was your first kiss?" he asks. I get a little nervous. Should I be ashamed that my first kiss was at age 15, and that that's the only kiss I've had so far? I just say "Okay, I had mine later than most people do and it wasn't even spontaneous. It was the one time I actually went to a party, at Allison Walter's Birthday Bash, sophomore year, when we played spin the bottle. I kissed Josh. And that's about all I've had so far. Go ahead, make fun of me, spread a rumor or whatever. I don't really care." "What? No, it's okay. You're actually no different from a lot of people at this school. And why would I spread a rumor? Come on, you know me better. And please, you've had your first kiss even before mine, okay? Two of my friends, Dan and Nathan, still haven't had their first kisses yet. So it's okay, you know I'm not gonna judge you." "Aw, thanks. That's sweet," I say. "So when did you have yours?" I ask. "Okay, this is gonna sound really weird but in my summer break after sophomore year, some of my sister's friends were over and just as I came back from soccer practice I saw them in my living room. They were all like 'heyyy Brendan' in fake flirty voices. I felt kind of flattered to be honest. But anyways they called me to like hang out with them or something 'cause my sister went out with another friend to get soda and..." "Okay Brendan, get to the point." "Okay, okay. So, long story short, one of them, Ashley, felt bad for me because I hadn't had my first kiss and she was like 'aww you poor baby' and just, like, kissed me. And that's all I've had so far." "I find that really surprising," I say. "Why?" he asks. "Well, because... I don't know. You're, like, cute... you know?" "Oh, well, uh thanks. I appreciate it," he says. "You're pretty too you know." "Please," I say puffing out air, "you really don't have to." "Don't have to what?" "Be nice to me. It's okay, I think I know just how pretty I am. And it doesn't even bother me honestly. It's not a goal for me." "Okay I don't even know what to say to you. There are so many girls that are pretty who just don't know it..." "Come on, that's the kind of stuff the Dolan brothers say," I say. "No just listen to me. So far, I know 3 guys who've had crushes on you. Just that they're such weenies, they're too afraid to come and tell you," he says. "Oh wow. 3 huh. Good job Janani. I had no idea. That's cool, it makes me feel less like a weirdo. I'm pretty flattered," I say giggling. "Yeah haha..." he says just looking at me. We look at each other for a few seconds. "Well, I guess it's already 4," I say. "Oh yeah, right," he says, a little startled.

We go out the library and walk to the parking lot. He says he's going to walk me to my car first. What a gentleman. We get to my car and I put my backpack in the shotgun seat. I stand outside, in front of him and say "Okay, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." "Yeah of course," he says and then pauses. "Can I just..." and he comes closer to me. Oh my god, okay, I'm nervous, what's he doing... "What?" I whisper, looking up at him. And he slowly gets closer and that's it. He softly kisses me. My heart is pounding and I can feel his too. We look at each other for a brief moment and I wrap my arms around his shoulder and neck, while he around my waist and we kiss again. This time, a longer kiss, one with a little more oomph. After it's done I hold his face, look into his eyes and smile. So does he. We say our last good bye's and head back home. Oh my god that was amazing. I can't wait to see him again tomorrow.