Fuck off >>>Dinah/You

145

I open the door letting Dinah come in. She gives me a smile. "You can go into my room" she nods walking upstairs. I walked into the kitchen and went into the refrigerator grabbing two can sodas.

I walked upstairs and sat down on my bed tossing Dinah the soda. "Thank you" she says clearing her throat.

I open the soda taking small sips. We sat there silence. I didn't want to start the conversation. I don't know how.

"Sooooo" she trails off looking around the room. "I see you rearranged your room"

"Yeah I needed a new look"

"You didn't do it for Normani did you?" I chuckled "Normani and I were never real" she smiled "I know. I just wanted to hear you say it"

"How did you know?"

"Well for one Normani isn't your type. I saw your pass girlfriends and they all look quite similar. Second you wouldn't change yourself for anyone...and third you wouldn't text your 'girlfriend' that you miss your ex. That's just rude and you aren't a rude person. You know better than that"

She raised an eyebrow at me. "You know me so well" I mumble looking down. "Talk to me"

"I am"

"Tell me how you feel y/n. You know this is the only reason I came over."

"Right" I placed the can down and looked at Dinah. "I" I sigh "I don't want to waste your time-"

"You're not tell me" she grabs my hand.

"I" I groan. This would be so easy over text. "You know when I was young my mom use to make me talk to her about my feelings. And it was extremely hard so she would put a blind fold around my eyes so I couldn't see her. It still was a bit hard so she gave me a notebook. Whatever I was feeling I would write it down and if I wanted her to see it I'd give it to her.

It made things so much better, and it took a huge weight off of me. Especially when I told her that I was gay.

I knew this was going to be hard for you so I brought so material" she pulls out a notebook and a pen out her bag and also a bandanna.

"Which one are you picking" I bite my lip "slowly grabbing the pen out her hand. She smiles at me. I flipped to a new page.

I sigh.

"How do you feel?"

I feel like shit. I feel miserable. I hate that I can't be happy without you. I hate that I can't stay mad at you even though what you did is unforgivable.

I went to scribble it out but Dinah took my pen away "don't do that. Just use a new line"

I hate acting like I'm happy. I don't want to feel like I'm competing with Camila. She's your first love, I really can't compete with that. I can't change your love for her. And I hate that.

"Camila has nothing on you. You make me happy. Yeah Camila was my first love. And I still have small spot for her in my heart. But you make me happy. You make feel things that Camila never made me feel. You shouldn't feel like you're competing because you're not-"

"She pretty-"

"And you're beautiful"

"She's a talented singer-"

"And you're going to be graduating college soon...you're going to have a nice career and a nice car and a beautiful house"

"She got fans-"

"I'm your fan"

"She can have anyone she wants including you"

"She can't have me because I don't want her" she scoots closer to me "and yeah she can get with anyone but that's not how the industry works. Depending  on who you're working with things don't go as planned. You sometimes can't pick"

"What do you mean?" She gives me a small smile "it doesn't matter ok?" I nod as she pulls me into a hug.

"Camila is out of my life for good"

"She's not your friend anymore?" She kisses my forehead before pulling away. "Nope. We decided that it would be better if kept things how it was before all of this happened. And plus she feels bad and she doesn't want you to feel the way you feel now"

"I'm sorry"

"No need to be...none of this is your fault it's all mine" I lay my head on her shoulder.

"Can I share one more thing with you tonight?" I ask "of course"

I grabbed the pen and notebook.

I love you

Dinah chuckles taking the notebook out my hands

I love you too.....

Angel is such a great song. I didn't like it at first but watching the video along with it made better and now it's in my head.

I will make sure to edit soon I don't feel like going over it 🤷🏽‍♀️

~Lociana❤️