prove me wrong

• 6 •

"Tyler, good to see you again." said my therapist and smiled with her typical job smile, which I hated so much.

I didn't say anything.

"You know, that we both will achieve nothing, if you're not talking with me.", she said quietly.

I could not talk to her, even if I would because I don't really know her, I don't trust her and I don't wanted to tell her my thoughts.

"Tyler, if you don't talk to anybody, then it will kill you", she said. "Your mom told me you never meet with your friends, is that true?"

I thought about Josh as he told me that I could tell him everything. I wanted to mention it. But not here. Not now. He should not be in such a place.

"I don't need any friends, I'm fine," I said.
"Everyone needs friends."
"I don't.", I repeated.

"But.."

"No."

She sighed as she would need to get ready for something very, very terrible. She folded their hands and then put them on the table while she fixed me with her sharp eyes.

"Tyler, you're a patient here and I think you know why.", she said and I gulped. "You know, that nobody thinks evil of you from your friends but if someone takes an overdose the person need to come to this place."

I stared angrily at my hands while I drilled my finger nails into the palms of my hands.

"That was a year ago", I reminded her, how often should I say it?

"And you said it all already but this is completely useless if you don't tell me why you wanted to kill yourself", she sighed.

I was silent. I could not talk about it. I never said it someone. My head was always hell and I always been afraid of my thoughts.

At night, where I had taken the overdose, it was especially bad. I have no more memories of it but I still know that I wanted it to stop.. to stop the voices in my head.

I no longer know if I had to die. I had never known that also not at the moment in which I had taken more of the pills. I think I just had enough of this world and my head.
If my father had never found me then I would have certainly died. I still don't know if it would have been the better option.

And that's why I was in a hospital and since this time I had therapy.