prove me wrong

• 46 •

He did not move for a moment, just blinking tiredly. Finally, he forced himself heavily to his feet and ran to the window. He looked completely different than usual, and all the alarm bells were ringing in me. What the hell happened to him? Inwardly, I hit my face again and again, how could I have needed so long to come here? And how could I have been angry for a fraction of a second? "Tyler?" Josh mumbled. I jumped. I had not noticed that he had opened the window. Josh tried to smile, which turned into a painful hiss. His hand went to his swollen cheek. "What happened to you?" I breathed, instantly feeling tears welling up in my eyes. I quickly wiped them out of the corner of my eye. What kind of a lamentable crybaby? Josh was silent. He seemed to be searching for words, presumably some lie he could teach me. But I was not that stupid. "Who did this to you?" I asked, much louder and firmer than before. "Josh, please." Josh looked up at me, then shook his head. His eyes were fixed on the windowsill that separated us both. Despite the darkness, I noticed the tears shimmering in Josh's eyes. And then I realized everything, the truth was practically like dandruff from my eyes. "That time ..." I said softly and looked at the boy's face in front of me, "that was not a fight." Josh sniffed before nodding hesitantly. "Already possible," he mumbled. "Who was it then?" I growled, and suddenly I felt a terrible rage. Anger like never before. "This time it was Jordan.", Whispered Josh, "Last time, my dad." For a moment I just stared at him, he reminded me of an animal being cornered. He looked terribly vulnerable. He never looked vulnerable. Without further thought, I climbed onto the window sill, jumped into the room and pressed Josh to me. I felt Josh's fingers clinging into my sweater and the next moment a soft sob came to my ear. "Why did not you say anything, damn it?" I mumbled as we broke away. I was angry, somehow, but to be honest, I did not know whether it was me or Josh or Jordan and Mr Dun. "My dad has my phone, so I could not write to you," Josh replied. "Not now," I said, "not just before that, all the time, how long have you been hurting?" "Long enough.", Mumbled Josh. So for a very long time. How did he manage to always laugh like nothing was happening? And how could he always go back here, knowing what would happen to him? "You're an idiot," I growled, shocked at myself. "You're a fucking idiot, Josh Dun. You can not just shut up and load yourself with my problems while yours almost crush you, that's not how it works I told you everything, everything, and you lied to me all the time, 'Everything okay', nothing is alright, you're not okay! " "I'm sorry-" "And stop apologizing!" I yelled, and immediately slapped my hand over my mouth. I was not allowed to wake Jordan, or Josh's dad. Anyway, I should stop. I was not fair. But he made me so terribly angry. He meant far too much to me to be healthy. Did not he trust me enough? Was it my fault he had not told me? "I should have told you," Josh murmured, and a tear rolled down his cheek. I wanted to answer calmly, tell him that it was okay, that it was not your fault, but instead I growled, "Yeah, you did, shit, man, what do you think, how much it hurts to crave you so much? You're a wreck! I was scared to shit all those last days! " "Tyler-" "No, nothing Tyler! I'm angry, damn it! I'm-", my voice broke and the angry hissing made a soft whisper. "I'm angry because ... because I really love you terribly, you fucking asshole."