prove me wrong

• 34 •

I stared at him with wide eyes. That's what he meant, of course. I was terribly embarrassed that I did not understand it right away. Did I want that? Sleep with Josh? To be honest, I never really thought about it, and I did not know exactly how it all worked between two men, I just knew one was up and one down. And that it could hurt. I looked at Josh, who was staring at me expectantly. He would not force me to do anything. He would not do anything I did not want. He would be careful. I never felt the need to sleep with anyone, but when I thought about it, I saw it right in front of me. Josh. I. And all of a sudden that desire, that incredible desire, burned inside me as if to make up for all the years it had not been there. "Please be careful, okay?" I mumbled and Josh's eyes lit up. "Of course, are you sure you want it?" I nodded. Yes, I was sure. To put it all, I put my hands around his neck and pulled him down to kiss. Immediately he replied and the kiss became more intense, more passionate, hotter. I clung to Josh as a feeling unfolded inside me that I did not know before. It felt like my whole body was gradually filling up with hot water. Josh pulled my T-shirt over my head, awkwardly, with shaky fingers, and we both had to laugh. The next moment, his lips were back on mine. I also wanted to take off Josh T-shirt. I wanted to see his body. Even more awkward than Josh, I started pushing up the fabric. My fingers were shaking so much that Josh had to help me, which did not seem to bother him at all. I already wanted to kiss him again, but then I noticed the bruises that covered his torso. "Josh ...", I breathed. He seemed to understand what I meant when he followed my gaze and looked down at his upper body. My voice shook as I began to speak. "Who did this to you?" Josh sighed, took my hands in his and looked deep into my eyes. "I've had a fight, it does not hurt anymore, so it's half as bad as it looks, really." I did not know if I could believe him. Desperately, I searched for something in his eyes that would tell me if he was telling the truth or not. But his eyes were unfathomable, as always. But what story could be worse and more messed up than me? He had to know that I would not judge him for anything, no matter how awful it was. Yes, I think he knew that. So he had no reason to lie. "Just promise to never hurt you again, okay?" I said, squeezing his hand. "I can not bear to imagine anyone hurting you." Josh's eyes flickered, and for a moment I thought he was about to burst into tears, but he just looked away, squeezing my hand tighter and nodding. "Promised."