prove me wrong

• 52 •

I just stared at him, still unable to move. "Please ..." I whispered, but Jordan ignored me. Or he simply had not heard it in his rage. "Exactly!" He shouted, banging his fist into his palm. He clutched his own fist until his knuckles went white. It's you! You're guilty! You alone! Because of you he has run away! Because of you he is a fagot, just because of you! " I did not understand why he was so upset. After all, it had not been that he cared much about Josh. "If you were not ..." he gasped, taking a heavy step forward. "Then he'd be home, and I could keep using him as a plaything, my little brother, then he would not be damned disgusting, then he'd be normal." I was silent. Everything about me was shaking. Even if I had wanted to run away, I would not have made it. "Jordan," I said as calmly as possible and raised my hands, as if to soothe a rising horse. "You have to - you need to calm down, I'm sorry, I ..." But I did not get any further. "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" Jordan shrieked furiously and gestured wildly with arms. "YOU KNOW NOTHING, DO NOT THINK AS YOU WOULD BE BETTER THAN I!" Then he struck. He hit me in the face, I staggered back and hit the wall. "Please-" I started, but Jordan struck again. I tried to hold myself upright, not tip over, but the pain in my stomach and face became unbearable. Jordan screamed like a fury, and at some point I too had begun to scream in pain. I kept begging between the screams and sobs to stop, but he did not. He hardly seemed to be in reality, blind, bloodthirsty. I hit and kicked, but I barely hit him. And if I did, it only made him angrier. At some point, after another punch in the stomach, I coughed blood. It landed on the floor and dripped down my chin. I swayed, and almost fell over, if Jordan had not grabbed me by the collar and tore me up. "Die," he croaked. His eyes glittered morbidly. Then he slammed my head against the wall. Once, twice, three times ... more than I could have counted. I thought I heard a terrible crunch over and over and slowly everything began to blur in front of my eyes. I tried desperately to push him away, but he was too strong. My arms no longer obeyed me. My whole body seemed to escape my control. Finally he let go of me. I blinked, but in front of me there was nothing but a blur of color. My head hurt, everything hurt. It was the most unbearable, horrible pain I had ever felt. I touched my temple and instantly felt a sticky liquid on my fingers. Blood. I could feel it flowing over my forehead and then all over my face until it hit my lips. My perception became worse and worse and slowly everything in my head blurred, until I could barely think straight. I was only vaguely aware of how Jordan tore open the door and ran away. I felt myself weakening, the blackness blurring, and I slipped out of consciousness. And as the unspeakable pain of powerlessness, it became clear to me. Nobody would come. I would die here. It was kinda funny, I thought as my body hit the ground. I had always thought that if I die prematurely, I would die by my own hand. It was like God was laughing in my face. Now that it was finally good, he actually let me die. But there was a certain irony behind it, I thought as the blood began to puddle. Then it got black.