DEADROSES | PHAN

-ˏˋ nineteen ˎˊ-

☾ ☽

phil thought about the question. the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world...

there was so much that came to mind. he wanted to go home. he wanted his old life back, a lot. he wanted to sell some damn art.

but the one thing that wouldn't budge from the front of his mind was...

"a garden," he blurted, playing with his fingers. "i really want a garden. inside the flat, it doesn't even have to be big. like at home." he sighed. "but that's not even... possible."

dan was quiet, quietly watching him with those wide brown eyes. phil laughed nervously.

"it's stupid..."

"it's not." phil was surprised by the force behind dan's words, compared to how he had been acting a moment before. "don't say that. no dream is stupid."

phil nodded, staring at him. "what about, uh... what about you?"

dan paused, his face shadowing momentarily.

"um, my family, i guess."

something in his tone told phil that that wasn't the real answer. that while he wanted that, it wasn't what he wanted more than anything. phil decided to drop it. he didn't want to scare him away.

"when you were little, what did you want to be?"

dan scooted closer on the bed, rocking slightly, his slender arms wrapped around his knees.

"an astronaut." he laughed quietly.

"i wanted to be a botanist." phil sighed, shrugging and glancing over at his half painted work. he hadn't added a bit since the flower incident. "now i just want to be considered an artist by one person."

"i think you're an artist."

when phil turned back to him, dan was staring at him, his eyes glimmering in the dark, illuminated by phil's lamp.

"you do?"

"yes." he sounded completely serious. he locked eyes with phil, which was rare, so phil figured he meant it. "you're amazing."

it felt like such a genuine complement that it kind of shocked him. he felt his face going red.

"thank you, dan."

dan's gaze fell back down, and he picked at a string in phil's comforter.

"no problem." dan pressed his lips together. "have you... how many relationships have you been in? if you don't mind me asking."

phil pulled a pillow into his lap, hugging it to get more comfortable.

"like... three. three serious ones." he shrugged. "they were back home. i actually had to end a relationship when i moved here..."

it had been with a church boy, that lived two blocks away from him. it was bound to happen anyway, phil knew. but it still hurt. he was over it by now, though.