The Man I Chose To Let Go (Under Editing)

Chapter 30: Damn

10 seconds felt like an hour for Amanda. Hindi niya alam ang isasagot kay Dale o sa nagtatakang kunot ng noo ni Fred.

Shit! Why wouldn't she thought about changing her wallpaper? Pero hindi naman niya alam na makakasama niya si Fred dito.

Gusto na lang magpalamon ni Amanda sa lupa. Kahit saan dito. Basta makaalis sa sitwasyon na ito!

Then, Dale's phone rang. Yes! Safe by the call. Agad niyang tinago ang cellphone sa bag at nagpatay malisya kay Fred.

Ika nga nila. Less talk, less mistake. Matalinong tao si Fred, isang sagot niya lang rito ay magfoformulate ang ng panibagong tanong at doon na siya mahuhuli.

He can calculate, he can anticipate. She can't let that happen. She can't do that to him.

"Mich called," Pagbalik ni Dale, "Mr. Chan wants to talk with both of us in a Zoom call. I'm sorry but I need to return sa hotel, will you be fine?"

Tumango naman siya, "Oo, magiikot ikot na lang ako." Aniya, "You both can go--"

"Magiikot-ikot din ako" Pinal na sambit ni Fred at tumingin kay Dale, "You go ahead, you can just update me saan ang lunch,"

"Alright, see you!" Agad na umalis si Dale at tumakbo na pabalik. Naiwan sila ni Fred na nakatayo doon.

Napakamot siya sa pisngi at nagsimulang maglakad. Hindi naman na niya kailangan sabihin saan siya pupunta dahil literal naman na iikot lang siya.

"Kumusta ka na?" That made her stop. Napapikit siya't napakagat sa labi, ito na nga ba ang sinasabi niya. This is what she avoids. Small talks. "It's been a while since... You were gone."

She sighed deeply and turned to him. She flashed a smile, "I'm okay," Napatango ito at parang nakahinga nang malalim.

"That's good to know." Then his phone rang as well. That was her chance to walk out. Hindi na niya kayang dugtungan ang tanong na iyon.

Amanda walked so fast, it was close to jog but she has to stay clam. She found herself seeing buses and cars.

Hindi niya naiintindihan ang bawat salita pero agad siyang sumakay sa unang bus na nakita niya. Bahala na mamaya kung paano makakauwi, as long as she knew where she is staying.

She needed it, too. This bus ride somehow calmed her nerves. Para siyang nagtour din dahil kita niya sa salamin ang bawat establishment na nadadaanan nila.

Her mind flashed back with Fred asking how was she. Parang sirang plaka na paulit-ulit sa isip niya.

Kumusta siya? Ano ba ang dapat niyang isagot doon? She didn't know. Kaya napakadaling sabihin na okay lang siya dahil wala ng explanation, simpleng okay lang. Dahil wala naman magtatanong ng mas malalim doon kung alam nilang okay siya hindi ba?

Some people only cared about if you did good, but not about the bad days. And they don't need to know, because everyone is fighting their own battle, too. Minsan naghahanap lang ng pagasa sa karanasan ng iba.

So, kumusta nga ba siya?

Amanda can say that she is happy where she is now. She's happy being a mother, she's happy with her career, and she's just happy with herself because Amanda learned to love herself more.

But, was it easy being where she is now? Definitely not. Mula sa pagalis ng Cavite, sa paglilihim sa pamilya niya, sa pagtratrabaho kahit na maselan siya magbuntis. Lahat iyon, tiniis ni Amanda.

She didn't even had the time to process her emotions when she gave birth. She can't even admit that she had post-partum depression because she has to pull herself together for Tutti.