The book of unspoken words

To all the boys I've loved before

Nine year old me met this boy who gave her a rush

so intense she considered him her first real crush

no, he wasn't the first boy to make her blush

but he was the first of many who left her to collect dust.

See - the thing about these boys is that they have these 'lines'

which they rattle off with such charming smiles

which makes it harder for you to forget them, so you end up holding on to those times.

Then there was this bloke who's name never circled the streets

who made my heart flutter in less than a heartbeat

oh, he had looks, and my, such beautiful eyes

but I was much too fixated on the pretty little lies.

I confess to being on the verge of a physical climb

where I wouldn't bet this supposed love of mine on a single dime.

Later on it was around fourteen when I found out this thing

so crazy, it kept me up, eyes glued to the ceiling

it was at a time when I decided: 'I like you' and 'you like me'

so what was the harm in believing in 'we'

- and although the latter was true

at that time I was merely acting.

unfortunately I was in a state where I was vulnerable to these things

so I did the only thing I knew of

I gave him the keys.

It then hit after ; the thing my mother repeatedly preached:

''boys only wan't what they cant have desperately''

And once they have it, they tend to leave.

And that's exactly what he did, only he broke my heart after he voiced his feelings.

And now were nothing but strangers who occasionally pop up on each others Instagram feed.

Soon enough sixteen came, not to early and neither to late

when I was completing a chapter in life and deciding new upcoming fate, new beginnings and endings had begun to weigh

when I met this boy who later became a mate.

It was a little while after that where we reached this stage

where I was talking, but he didn't want the burden of 'having to stay'

it was then when I realised he was a player, - and players like nothing more than games

and even after everything went downhill, I still decided to stay

Even though he had no interest and burned the last of my broken remains.

I remember them all, like angles of my very own face, but no matter what they do

I won't utter their names

So I write this down and lock these memories away

leaving behind heartbreak and loss

intent on finding an array of possible brighter days