Living With Monsters | Various SCP X Reader

Doctor Alto Clef x Reader | Self Loathing

Mentions of suicide from Cleffie. He's a bit off an ass. Not nearly as much as I'd like. This is more him just being mopey and angsty. Enjoy'

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Alto hated himself. That was supposed to be somewhat obvious, well at least the man himself thought that. Then again, he supposed he was just a lie. Everything about him. Alto Clef was a lie. And he hated that too. He hated the ridiculous hat he wore. He hated his job. He hated everything. He even hated life. He had tried to end it before but he didn't even think he could die anymore. It worked for a while actually, then it didn't and he ended up hating everything again. There was no denying that he couldn't ignore the self loathing. But he could distract himself from it. There was one particular distraction he liked more than others, but it would never last.

He had tried to do a similar thing with Kondraki once, that only ended with Clef gaining a broken and bloody nose. He deserved it. Thinking back on it he found it funny and a smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

"What are you smiling at?"

The voice was barely a whisper. They weren't even looking and he was unsure as to how they knew. But (Y/N) was full of surprises after all. For example there they lay on their stomach. In bed with the infamously grotesque Alto Clef.

He rolled over into his side and raised an eyebrow in their direction, their head was buried in the pillow, hiding their face from his view. They were probably crying. It was Alto's fault. He knew they hated this. He knew it fucked with their emotions because he could never do for them what they did for him.

Slowly he reached out, his hand hesitant and unsure. Alto was never really sure about anything, even if he seemed like a guy who had it all worked out. He really didn't.

His hand clutched the edge of the cover before he let out a heavy sigh and pulled it back slightly, exposing their bare back. Still they didn't move, only flinching at his touch when his fingers brushing of the skin positioned between their shoulder blades.

"Did it hurt?" he hated how he sounded. So cold, detached and uncaring. It wasn't how he wanted to be. He wanted to care. He really did but he could never bring himself to.

All Alto got in reply was a scoff from (Y/N), indicating a no in a rather demeaning way. He gave a dry chuckle. It wasn't something he found particularly funny however he took no offence in it and this was only an indication to that.

He ended up staring at the skin on their back, tracing his fingers across the surface in random shapes and lines. He watched as goosebumps formed as their hairs stood on edge.

"Alto?" their voice was still so quiet. Muffled by the pillow as they spoke. He was pulled out of his trance like state and his hand movements stopped abruptly.

"What?" it came out of his mouth in a sharper tone than he would have liked and he gave a soft sigh in an ashamed way.

"Do you love me?"

The question caught him off guard and his hand retreated. He placed it by his side, fingers brushing against theirs.

"No," he lied but there was no need. No matter what he said he doubted they'd believe him.

When he looked back he had found that they had turned their head to look at him, a ghost of a smile playing across their lips as their eyes locked with his. And now he felt so transparent and obvious. The master liar had been completely see through.

"Then why are you still here?"