Self-Titled

Chapter 9

warning: feels

Tyler's POV

My heart was beating out of my chest. I can't believe I actually told him. "I know, it's stupid. Forget I said anything." I was kicking myself in my head. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"No.." he said after a second. "I'm thinking."

For some reason this scared me more. What could was going on in his head? Did he think it could work? Was he trying to let me down easy? I started tapping my fingers against my jeans.

We walked back to the cabin as we talked, it was about a half hour before lunch, and we had time to kill. What could be a better way to pass time than possibly form a band?

After a minute, which seemed like centuries, he asked, "Will I ever see you after this?"

He was right. I mean, Columbus was small, yeah, but we were both still in high school. "I live about 30 minutes from here, east."

His eyes lit up. "I'm from the east too, it was about an hour drive here."

He put his thinking face back on. He said a little later, "I had so much fun preforming with you today, Tyler. You're an amazing singer, writer, and piano player. For the first time, I felt like I could express myself. So, if you think it'll work, I say let's give it a shot."

I was actually shocked, then overjoyed. "Really? Dude, sick!! No..better than sick, this is.." I struggled to find the right words. "This is sick as frick!!"

Josh laughed. "I'm excited too, Ty."

For some reason, the way he said "Ty" made me feel good. In fact, the way he said anything made me feel good. He was timid, but when he spoke, he almost always had a smile on his face, it was almost contagious.

I cut myself out of my thoughts. Jeez, I'd been around Josh for so long even I started daydreaming.

But I could tell he was also lost in thought. "What are you thinking about?" I asked softly.

"Oh..um..nothing." He blushed a little, running a hand through his extremely blue hair.

Before I could stop myself, I found my body leaning into his. For once, I didn't think. I pressed my lips against his softly. His lips were soft and not too thin but not too plump, and contrary to what other people might say, you can't taste someone when you kiss like that. However, he smelled like trees, with just a hint of Axe.

After a second, I pulled away. I looked at Josh and expected to see him just as happy as I was, but instead I saw something much different.

He look terrified, like he'd just seen his worst fear look him straight in the eyes.

I instantly felt awful. "I'm so sorry..I should have at least asked if you liked boys..I-"

"I can't do this." Josh mumbled, then ran out of the room.

I felt tears well up in my eyes. Half of me wanted to run after him, the other half wanted to stay and just watch him leave. I felt too tired, too ashamed to go after him. But if I wanted to save, or attempt to save, this friendship, I had to go after him.

He was outside, sitting on the backside of the cabin, leaning on the wall with his head in his knees. My heart sank. Just seeing him like this was awful.

"J-Josh..please talk to me. I get it if you hate me now but I at least need to know what you're thinking."

Josh said nothing for a really long time. Finally, he looked up, but not at me.

"I hate it!" Josh said through tears. "I hate you, and I hate how being with you reminds me of the orchestra in a crescendo, but never coming down! I hate how every song reminds me of you! I hate how I feel about you.

"I look at you, and I see a kid at a birthday party. I see sunny days, and Christmas morning. And then I look at myself and I see a mess. You're so perfect. And when I look at you, I just want to be with you. I want to see your Saturday morning eyes and your car pulling in after work, and how you think and how you feel about the newest hit and it makes me so frustrated. Because that's crazy and I'm crazy and you're too good for a crazy guy."

I take in everything he just said, realizing that it quite possibly could be the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me.

I take in a breath. "Josh..you're not crazy. And I am not too good for you. If anything, it's the other way around. Because even if you don't see it, I look at you and I see tight hugs and fairy lights and first steps. And I want to be with you, too. I want to see you graduate, I want to talk to you about everything and nothing on long days, I want to sit in rainstorms with you. I want to do anything with you..no, I want to do everything with you. You're such a great guy, Josh. I want you to be in my life, even after this summer is over. I want to live my life with you."

He looked at me, finally. "You do?" His eyes were dry now.

"Of course I do. I don't just kiss anyone ya know."

He smiled, a real, eye crinkle smile. "I want to be with you too."

I took his hand. "Then, will you be my boyfriend?"

"Mmm.. let me think about it." He said, almost seriously.

"Oh..okay.." I said, looking at the ground.

"I'm just kidding. Of course I will."