Counterfeit

-thirtynine--

--thirtynine-

-

+ Give me something to hold onto. I've got nothing since I lost you. +

+ Seafret +

-

I WAITED TWO days before I spoke to MiKinley. An unfamiliar weight of stubbornness rested upon me, and though I wanted to trust Charleston without restriction, doubt played on my mind; I wasn't sure if I wanted to forgive him. 

I'd rehearsed every possible outcome in my head a hundred times each, but every thought seemed to vanish as I made my way down to the creek to find him. 

Charleston waited and watched me as I disappeared into the trees; he had offered to stay close in case MiKinley decided to lash out again, or if he upset me, but I assured him that I would be okay. 

I think it was the first time MiKinley had ever been down there without me. He'd been too afraid of The Fog to be near it alone, and we were the only two people in The Domir to ever go down there - besides the chance appearance of Patrick, Ava, and Charles. I was unsure if he was waiting for me to arrive, that perhaps he had been wanting to talk to me, too. The idea left me nervous. 

When he heard me, he turned around, an anxious expression on his features. I was glad to see that he was feeling the same as me - in some ways, it almost made me more comfortable around him.

MiKinley offered a slight smile as I made my way over to him. I sat down, further away than what I usually would do. 

"Hey." He breathed, searching me for something familiar. 

"Hi." I murmured back to him, still too uncertain to meet his eyes. 

He sighed and a silence then fell over us for a few moments as we both contemplated our words to each other. I wanted to speak before he did, but Mikinley found the courage first.

"I hope you know I'm sorry."

Of course I did. I wanted to believe that he wasn't so that I could have more reason to be angry with him, but the truth would always be that MiKinley was a good friend with good intentions, and even in his mistakes, he still tried to do what he thought was right. 

"I know that you feel differently about him than I do, and I did try to understand that, but I was scared, Pip." 

I hadn't expected to hear that from him. I knew he worried a lot about various different things, but he always seemed somewhat to fearless to me. Brave. "What could you possibly have been afraid of?"

"Losing you." His answer had been quick, sure - like his life depended on it. 

"How could you lose me, Kinley?" For a second, he seemed angry and hurt, and it was the first time that I had considered the possibility that I might have upset him, too.

"The moment he arrived, everything bad started happening."

"Bad? MiKinley, I don't know what you're talk-"

"You started to hate this place, and for no reason at all." I wanted to interject at that point, but instead, I bit my tongue. He needed to speak and I needed to listen to him. I owed him that at the least. "And that upset me because..." He was almost too upset to finish. "Well, because this place saved my life, Pip." 

I hadn't even considered that. If he wanted me to feel guilty for my ignorance, then rightfully so it was working. In spite of its miserable rules and lonesome manner, The Dormir was a home to a collective of people, many of whom had nothing left outside of it. MiKinley didn't talk much about his life before, but I wondered if that was part of the reason. 

"I know we're the Insusceptibles, and that that won't change no matter where we are, but at least here we don't have to be reminded of the grief of surviving everyday." 

"Kinley, I- I'm-" 

He shook his head to let me know he wasn't finished. "But I always had you, Pip. Even when I missed my family, even when I was worried about what would happen if we ever left The Domir, it would still always be you and me." 

"It still is us, MiKinley." 

"It hasn't been us for a while, Pip. Not since Charlton arrived."

"Charleston." I corrected.

He rolled his eyes at me in humor, cracked a small smile before continuing. "You left to go figure him out. And it's okay because I let you go that, but when it got dangerous... Pip, when it threatened your life, I couldn't have that anymore. I couldn't do nothing and watch him take you away from me. I had to stop him, and you hated me for that." 

"MiKinley, I could never hate you." 

"But you did, didn't you? Or at least, you got angry with me." 

"I'm sorry." 

"I just want to keep you safe. You're my best, Pip. If anything happened to you..."

In a moment when he looked away from me, down to his reflection in the stream, I realized how ridiculous it was that we were even in this situation. MiKinley was my best friend. The first one who made The Dormir worth an inch to me, made life worth living when everything else had been taken away from me. 

I knew Charleston before, but I knew MiKinley when I was alone, and he made me forget that. It wasn't a choice to forgive him, but if it was, then I would do it every day. 

"You're never going to lose me, MiKinley."

-thirtynine--

1 Corinthians 15:55 - O, death where is your sting?

Happy 12th birthday to my little Toby. I miss you more than should be possible, but I love you infinite more. I'm celebrating you and thinking of you every day. You're still here in endless ways and though I wish you were right beside me, I find pure joy in the memory of you; you light up my soul. I hope you're having fun in Heaven with Jesus. I can't wait to see you again where we will meet in the presence of Him. I love you, Toby. I'll be home with you one day. 💙

22/08/05 💙 05/05/17

Psalm 17:15 When I wake in Heaven, I will be fully satisfied for I will see You face to face. 💙