got7 ; 2jae | rewind ↺

chapter 28 | 4 walls

___

if someone was to catch jaebum climbing in through the back window to get into the jyp building at almost midnight — he wouldn't have a decent explanation to reason with.

so instead, he carefully shut the pane behind him and trudged quietly through the vacant corridors. jinyoung once showed him this way of sneaking in when they were training for their jj project debut, often finding themselves running late as they would use the building's back window to avoid reception and scoldings.

jaebum did recall telling youngjae about this when the two of them stayed behind to practice late one evening, and so he hoped he was correct in his theories to where the younger boy could have went.

his steps didn't leave echoes as he murmured through the rooms in hopes to find the other. jaebum was pretty sure his heart was beating much louder than his short shallow breaths, since he was some-why scared.

it hurt, he knew he liked youngjae more than just a member of his group. he knew he wanted to be with youngjae whenever possible, just to hold hands or cuddle together. he couldn't get enough of when they sang together, line after line as they shared smiles. it was addicting, the younger's presence was like sunshine on a bad day.

and he couldn't believe that they managed to fight over something that could have been talked out and understood. because jaebum didn't mean to shout, he was just jealous. jealous and angry, and feeling betrayed, and incredibly anxious and disappointed in himself as a leader and a friend.

he shook his vicious thoughts away, trying to concentrate on one task in hand as he continued to run along the stairs and hallways. until suddenly—

"—yeah mom, everything's great, really," there was a familiar voice behind the door to their dance studio.

peaking inside, jaebum saw him. sitting in the middle of the room with his head hung low as his phone was pressed against his ear.

"—the other members? oh they're all asleep, yeah, we had a long day," youngjae lied with a little smile as jaebum saw his tears reflecting in the mirror.

muffed words sounded through the call as a small pause took over.

"—oh is it midnight already? thanks mom, don't worry, i had a really memorable birthday."

it was as if jaebum was struck alive with lightning. it was youngjae's birthday? why didn't he tell anyone? why didn't he—

"—of course we celebrated," youngjae lied, "yup, candles and cake. i even got to see hyung today since we were having a workshop close to his university. he wouldn't stop telling me of how proud he was of his little brother. i really miss all of you, thank you so much for your kind wishes, i won't— i won't disappoint you, not you too—" he whispered his last words with so much guilt that he wanted to cry then and there.

but instead, youngjae let out a quivered breath and told his mom to go to sleep because it was very late. she wished him him goodnight and the younger boy promised to visit them sometime soon whenever possible.

he ended the call and burst into heart-clenching sobs.

his shoulders shook with the force of his tears, his face burried in his hands as he curled up on the ground and wished to turn back time and not be so careless.

standing by the threshold, half of jabeum wanted to run in and hug the crying boy and tell him that he's sorry and that everything will be okay.

but the other half won by motionlessly waiting for nothing by the doorway — just watching and not knowing what to do.

until suddenly, he paced backwards and away from the entrance to the dance studio. walking away from youngjae with an aching tugging in his heart.

___
sorry i suck at emotions

written: august 20, 2017
published: september 12, 2017 (currently camping with the school, idk if this will update)

니카 ✿