My Complete 180°

Soo Unsatisfied

         I couldn't focus. I couldn't force myself to focus without worrying about Helga. And how I made her feel. I'm the must suckiest person on the face of the planet.

It's the absolute worst.

I didn't see her all day today. And when I do, it's like she doesn't know I'm alive. Once, we would exchange glances and looks, but her eyes.... they show nothing but uncertainty. I would count the times she would bypass me in the hallways and not say a word. Not even a criminey. So far, it's been 13 times. And that number is going to skyrocket if I don't do anything about it.

By the time school was over, I could tell I was running out of time.

As I walked out of school, Helga was trailing behind me. My chest tightened and I could feel the guilt form in my stomach. I wanted to stop walking and grab her by the shoulders. I wanted to tell her I'm sorry. I wanted to tell her she wasn't alone anymore, that I was with her now. But my feet kept walking.

She wasn't alone. She was walking with Phoebe and a couple of other girls I don't know. I could hear her presence. And it's a sound that pains my heart.

Then I hear her laugh. Someone must have told a joke. But she laughed. Her soft toned giggles phased me. Made me feel even more guilty. Wishing I was by her side at this very moment. However, I'm still walking, and she's still behind me.

"Bye lames." Helga said jokingly while waving causally.

"You don't want to walk together?" Phoebe mentions. Then I find myself sitting on a park bench, eavesdropping.

I'm such a stalker! Just because Ive been overly thinking about her consistently doesn't mean I should intrude on her privacy, and be a total psycho.

My hands fumbled together and my thumbs danced around each other rather fast.

What next? I'm gonna start making poems of her and building shrines.

But I didn't look that weird. I was just sitting on a bus bench, by a bus sign, and I don't take the bus.

I did a mental face palm.

"Phoebe just go, I have to go somewhere." Helga says.

I sneak a glance on the side of me. And there she was.

She had a over sized gray sweater. And some ripped jeans. Her hair ruffled into a bun.

I take my gaze away before she can see me. I don't want to make her uncomfortable. Not anymore.

I could tell she knew I was here, because of the silence. It was ALREADY silent. But now there was a new kind of silence.

"Arnold,"

Her voice shocked me. Startled my nerves. And my stomach was a flutter.

She came around to sit on the bench.
"Helga."

We were almost 10 inches away. I wished I could close the gap. But I still sensed this feeling of uncertainty.

"You know you don't take the bus.."

Oh crap. "Uh yeah, yeah, I'm just looking at the wonderful scenery..."

My awkward chuckle wavered.