Broken

Broken- Chapter sixty three

*play the song while reading*

I held my head as I walked back to my room. Sean didn't even bother following me. I wish I could just forget about everything that made me Jessie, two years ago.

I wish I could just move on and just forget about him. Why did I have to fall for him? Why did this have to happen to me? Me, of all people. I just wanted a normal life like any other person with high ambitions.

I wanted to graduate high school, go to college, get a job...all with Andrew. Then I'd wait till' he proposed to me and we'd have a magical time together, just us.

My mom would see me walk down the aisle. I wanted for have three children. One boy and two girls. The boy would be the oldest and he'd protect his little sisters.

I wanted to see my children grow up. See them walk, talk, the basics. Then I'd want to see them fall in love, like I did with Andrew. I wanted to see them all get married. I wanted to be a grandmother.

I wanted to do all that stuff...once Andrew was with me. But now I know it'll never happen.

I lean against my door and before I know it, I was crying waterfalls. I slide down to the floor and put my head in my knees.

Why can't I just be the agent I have to be? I already can't have a normal life. The least I could do was be Faith...Jessie died a long time ago.

I don't want these emotions. I just...I don't even know. I tug at my hair, my vision blurry. Is this why I act so tough? So I could hide my true feelings? Is that why I kill? So I can numb the pain which I'm not even supposed to have?

I'm not supposed to feel...that's how I was trained.

Why are all these feelings suddenly coming back? I guess having your emotions bottled up for two years will cause an explosion in your heart.

I walk over to a frame which had a photo of Andrew and I and I just threw it against the wall. Shards of glass flew across the room and the frame broke, the picture fluttering to the ground.

I choke on my tears and slowly walk over to it. I picked it up and looked at it. Why do I have this photo? I hate this photo? I hate everything. If I can't have love then I'll just have hate.

I hate this photo because I look happy. I hate this photo because I'll never see the boy in it ever again. I hate this photo because I have no love left in my heart.

It was the photo of me covered in flour and egg while he had his arm around my shoulder, him squeaky clean.

I ran my trembling fingers over his eyes. His blue orbs as deep as an ocean, the ones I'll never see again. Every time I climbed onto the land, thinking I was safe from drowning, I would look into those eyes and I wouldn't be so safe anymore. He'd pull me in but before I drowned...he pulled me out.

I looked at his lips, his pink and soft lips. The lips I'll never feel against mine again. I'll never get to hear the laugh which pass those lips ever again. I'd never hear the compliments or jokes ever again. I'll never see his smile...ever.

And his hair. I'd never run my hands through it again. I'll never get to put pink scrunchies in it, while he's sleeping again. My fingers would never get tangled in his hair, during a passionate kiss.

I'll never see him again.

I'm about to rip the photo when I burst into tears again. I hold the photo close to my chest...my heart, and cry. I look so happy in this photo. I've never smiled like that in two years.

I'll never smile like that again.

But part of me feels like I'll see him again. Maybe it's just my imaginary but having hope is better than loosing faith.

I always though we'd be together forever...just proves to show that fairytales aren't real.

I hear a knock on the door followed by, "Faith?"

I sniffle and look at the photo once more before resting it on my bedside table. He entered the room and as I turned around, I held his face in my hands before smashing my lips onto his. I don't want these emotions...I need a distraction. And at the moment, he's my distraction.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and I locked the door. He walked me over to my bed and lied me down while he hovered over me. His lips traveled down to my jaw then my neck then my color bone. He stood up to peel his jersey off before attaching his lips back to mine. His lips went to my neck, while his hands fumbled with the botton on my jeans.