If Looks Could Kill (Sideshow Bob Fanfiction)

Chapter Thirty-Six

Author's Note:

Thank you for reading this far! I really love seeing all the reads on this fan-fiction! For my first ever publication on Wattpad, and for it to be a fan-fiction; this responce is so amazing! This chapter will mainly be focused on Bob, but it  will also feature a side plot of The Simpsons' own problems. Possible trigger warning. Contains offensive language.  Enjoy!  

Chapter 36

Bob awoke to the beeping of his alarm at six am.

"What?" Bob mumbled sleepily, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Then he remembered; he wasn't at work today! Why hadn't disabled his alarm last night?

Bob shut off his alarm and sat on his bed, running through what he had agreed to last night. He had sent a brief email to his boss, Brian Rutherford, explaining that he'd been quite ill and would be unable to come in, but that his friend , Caitlyn Williams, would drop off his work on Brian's desk for him. Brian had replied with an email thanking Bob for notifying him, and allowing Bob a day or two off work.

Bob stretched, yawning. He was up now, and there was no way that he'd be able to get back to sleep; he might as well get up.

Twenty minutes later, Bob was showered and dressed- but had no where to be and nothing to do. Feeling a little useless, Bob sat back down on his bed.

"Well," Bob said to himself, in a tone filled with forced enthusiasm, "I have an entire day to myself!"

He reached for his book that rested on his armchair's left arm and began reading. Or at least, he tried. No matter how hard her attempted to concentrate on the words in front of him, all he could think about was everything he was trying to avoid thinking about; all the reasons why he was off work today... All the reasons that he'd had three panic attacks yesterday, and a flashback. All the reasons why he didn't want to 'do this anymore'.

"What did I mean by that?" Bob quizzed himself aloud. Though of course, he knew. Secretly, he had known exactly what he had meant, and still did. But pretending that he didn't perhaps softened the hard fall to the truth; pretending that he had just said that out of whatever-that-was-yesterday was must easier for Bob to tolerate than why he had really said it.

He had said it because he had meant it, and a part of him still did. He had known exactly what he had meant, and a majority of him still did. He had never wanted to give up more than yesterday, when he had uttered those foul words... A part of him still did. The weaker part of him; the part of him inside, that was made up of fears and worries and emotions; the part of him that people hardly ever saw.

But yesterday, it had all spilled out him, right in front of Caitlyn; the one thing that he had desperately hoped wouldn't happen, happened. He was so embarrassed; he was supposed to be looking after her! She was pregnant, and was going through hell at the moment too. Bob had fought so hard to be the strong one, but he just couldn't. The words that Caitlyn had said to him played in his mind over and over like a stuck record; 

"You've been strong for too long, Bob."

Was that true? Had he been 'strong' for too long a time? Had he kept his emotions a secret for too long? Bob thought to himself about these words, and came to accept that Caitlyn was probably right. Keeping everything inside him was like shaking a bottle of soda; you would have to open the bottle at some point to drink it, and when you did- WHOOSH! It explodes and spills everywhere. 

Bob felt like a shaken bottle of soda; he'd made just as much a mess when he had spilled everything as a shaken soda bottle did when it was opened. Both were regrettable. But Bob's explosion was unpreventable- or so that's what he told himself. He would have had to open up at some point; he just wished that he could have waited until Caitlyn was feeling a little better. The thought of worrying and upsetting Caitlyn further created a tidal wave of guilt, threatening to drown him.