If Looks Could Kill (Sideshow Bob Fanfiction)

Chapter Forty-Five

Chapter 45

Bob opened the door to his apartment and immediately began changing for the meal. Having just dropped Caitlyn off at Franchesca's house, he was determined to make this the best evening he could. He had to make it the best evening he could, because even with Bob's new-found positive mentality, in the back of his mind, he knew that it might be the last good evening he would have in a while.

Sighing, Bob tightened his tie and slipped on his shoes. He caught a glance at the clock; it was 5 pm... He still had two hours to kill.

"Why do I always get ready so bloody early?!" Bob muttered with frustration. 

Bob walked into the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror. Standing there before him, he saw a red, frizzy haired man who was tall in stature, had large feet - very large feet - looked tired and weary, and had dark circles under his eyes; Bob looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. To be honest, he hadn't- or at least near enough. Bob thought that he looked as bad as he felt on the inside.

"What the hell is wrong with me? I've had a great day, and yet I'm still feeling like... I don't even know what this feeling is!" Bob muttered angrily, pulling down on a lock of his hair with frustration.

Bob continued to stare at his reflection in the bathroom mirror until it faded; it wasn't him standing in front of the mirror anymore- it was Gino. A sudden dizziness overwhelmed him. Trembling, Bob grabbed hold on the sink-basin; what on earth?!

"Oh God," Bob mumbled. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the dizziness gradually passed. Bob opened his eyes; the image was bleary for a few seconds before coming into focus.

He'd just seen Gino's reflection in the mirror- it had completely replaced his own. His reflection had been there, and then it hadn't. And then...And then Gino was.

"Why- why is this happening to me?!" Bob cried, pounding the basin in anger, "Why. Can't. I. Just. Be. Happy?!"

A growl rose from the base of Bob's throat, raw and enraged. Followed by a lump rising. The familiar feeling of welling-tears blanketed Bob. He let go of the basin and sunk to his knees, beyond caring.

He was here- and Gino was six feet underground. But... Gino had been right there, clear as day. It made no sense. Perhaps confusion was the catalyst for Bob's hurt- or maybe it was memories. Maybe memories were the motive to Bob's hurt. Maybe it was both.

Gino was six feet underground. A full six feet. And all because Bob hadn't been able to protect him. All because Gino was crossing the road when a rushing college student was passing through. Crossing a road, doing an errand for Franchesca that Bob himself should have been doing.

Five years married...Twelve years divorced. Two months approximately without his son. Twelve and a sixth years of unhappiness.

"They say that thirteen is an unlucky number, but twelve is just as bad," Bob muttered, a tear sliding down his cheek. It splashed on his suit-pants, creating a tiny dark pool. Followed by another. And then another.

The tiny pools accumulated into a mini-puddle of gloom on Bob's trousers, a small black splodge that was created from tears.

Bob knelt on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, crying silently. Letting tears slip down his face, he thought to himself. This sadness- these tears- they were different. They weren't desperate tears, or frustrated tears. These weren't even tears of complete devastation. These were tears of hopelessness...and of recognition. Tears of almost- acceptance.

'Gino's gone. He's dead. You're divorced. Franchesca divorced you twelve years ago. Caitlyn has your baby. Your baby; no-one else's. You don't really want that baby. You don't want another son. You just want Gino. And to be completely honest, you want Franchesca. But not now- you want her then. You just want to turn back twelve years. Maybe more. Just enough to remember what happiness tastes like.'

Bob had prayed for the baby to be a girl. He didn't think that he'd be able to handle another boy. Another son. Everything reminded him of Gino as it was; imagine how much worse it would be if he had another son. But Caitlyn had rang him  a week ago to tell him that the baby was a boy. It was just what he'd hoped not for. But maybe this baby would end up a blessing in disguise? Perhaps he'd end up being the final push, allowing Bob to move on.

Bob caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror as he stood up. Feeling foolish, Bob grabbed a couple of tissues and blew his nose and mopped his eyes.

Bob once again stood in front of the mirror and looked long and hard at himself. Despite looking even more exhausted than before, Bob forced a grin on his face. In no way did it look convincing to him, but he hoped that it would convince Caitlyn and Franchesca. After all, the last thing that he wanted was to look ungrateful for this meal!