January 2, 1990
"OMG..! 7 am and i am still dizzy","How can i be so reckless?....", i spoke to myself and proceed towards abbu's room to wake him up and give him his prescriptions, the door was open and he was nowhere.
"He went to distribute papers because you slept lately and he dont want to disturb you",said Akbar.
"Why didn't you stop him?".
"Because you can't win an argument with your parent", he answered.
Akbar was ready for his school so he took his cycle and left. I was about to step up for bath suddenly saw Akbar returning home ..
"Might be a holiday","wait, why is he crying?".
Akbar entered ,tossed his bag towards bed and hugged me tightly.
He was shivering and started crying heavily.
"What is the matter Akbar..?".
He had never been like this before. I can connect , something's really wrong and cold.
"Abbu is no more", his sound box screamed.
I got numb..and slapped him.
At the very moment Firoz and his dad took entry..and told me about the accident.
"According to police reports..it was 6:30 am when he completed circulation of newspapers and was in between the way to home through highway...where he collided with a excessively loaded truck drove by drunk driver. He was immediately referred to government hospital where doctors declared him dead.Police filed a F.I.R against the driver, we have performed each and every formalities , now you have to call for his burial. Hope he will be able to secure peace in Allah's palace".
There was no land beneath my feet..i was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe my ears.
That pretty smile on the face full of grey hairs filled was revolving around in front of my eyes and filled it with water of repentance.
I couldn't step up to remove that white sheet which had been covering my god's face..
My happiness broke into distress. This new year had taken away my abbu from me.
Who will call me Nawab Shabh now..
It was 7 of evening and raining badly. I was sheltered by cemetery standing before my Abbu's grave.All I could see was Abbu returning home on bicycle with a feeling of relief that he had managed whole work of newspaper distribution so efficiently. I could also see how brutally that drunkard rode his truck over Abbu and his bicycle. In between all this, Abbu's heart would have been filled with horror. He would have wondered how in few seconds his whole world changed. His heart would have called my name for help. The unbearable physical pain would have made his eyes wet, he would have cried. Then he would have realised these were his last few seconds. He would have seen mine and Akbar's face. All his dreams of seeing us successfully groomed vanished in those microseconds. He would have become sad knowing his kids will be orphans in very next moment. He would have imagined Akbar going mad after knowing his death news. More than physical , it was emotional pain which might be unbearable for him. And then, then his soul just left his body. He passed away. He was no longer with us. God took away him from me and akbar. Do he deserve all this? Do Akbar deserve all this pain, all these cries? Don't he deserve Abbu's love and care?
All these happened because of me, my laziness. I deserve all the pain, i am the one who must be dead . This death was destined for me , mistakenly it took away my Abbu . Will Akbar ever forgive me for this? Will I be able to take care of him like Abbu would have done?
I apologize you God for any mistake i did unknowingly, but please give us our Abbu back, we need him. We are so incomplete without him. We can't imagine a day without him, how will we live whole life. Please God, please. Give him back. Take me or our happiness or anything but please give us Abbu back. I deserved to go, not him.
Where have you gone?
On our head,
nobody left to lay his hands on.
They says death is inevitable,
But who knows,
Your place in our heart is irreplaceable.
Eyes wet and heart cries,
Where one goes,
after he dies?
If anyone tell me,
I will get you back,
And heal every crack.
My shoulders are light,
They can't handle such a plight.
They says you are watching me,
I don't believe, as
My abbu can't see crying me.
You taught me every lesson of life,
Whenever i cried,
You always arrive.
Now that you are gone,
My heart is paralyzed,
Guilt overpowered everything,
Anything left is mere sobbing and sobbing.
