9 August 1990
I dropped Akbar to school and reached my weird college where none of the student is punctual of time. Sometimes i feel like to take stand for discipline in college and cultivate habit of punctuality among students.
So , I opt to make out a pact with myself to avoid all the distractions which were running in between my path of responsibilities. And once I promised my dairy about something then I try my best to not to go against it.
My distraction is Ruhi. She's like a magnet. And i feel my heart to be some piece iron who is being attracted by her time and again.
Today's morning was like , an eye of mine fit on the dairy and other looking at the door. Once i sensed someone's coming. She is coming. Actually , Ruhi and her friend, Ruchika are the people who usually come to the class after me.
So I decided not look at her. I tried my best to not pay any heed to her but couldn't resist and looked at her from the corner of my eyes. err..! He was someone else not Ruhi.
All other students have started to come but she was no where. I hoped she's fine. I thought if those monsters had done something with her. If anything wrong happened to her because of them, nothing can stop me from being violent. My heart was beating faster. I couldn't resist so i walked out of the room to check her and found that Rohan and his friends (Those monsters) were there in playground. "She must be fine" i sighed with relief.
I was lost in reading diary when she entered in the class and wished me morning. I was almost caught but thankfully i hid it before Ruhi could figure out anyhing. Though i wanted to avoid everything about her, yet her presence blossomed my decayed heart.
Infact, i can't even understand what destiny wants from me. Yesterday i was praying from God to rescue me from such strange feeling and today i am alloted a project to be done with her in partnership. Not just that but also, professor compelled all the project partners to sit together so that they can develop an understanding and work better on project. Like really? The more i try to stay away from her, the more she comes closer. I wish i finish this project soon and maintain distance from her.
10 August 1990
My head is bowed down. I have distanced myself from everything that i can't puzzle out the difference between right and wrong. Abbu, where are you? Your Rahim needs you. Reminiscing the life we had when you were with us, and the life we are living at present without you makes my heart heavy. It's not money which makes someone happy but the sight of their parents' face. You were always there to scold me, to guide me, to show me the right path whenever i slipped. And today when i need you the most, I can not find shelter in your arms.
I shouted at an innocent person. I screamed at a cute face. I was never like this before. When she called me 'Nawab Shab', i thought Abbu is back. He is back for me. I can now hold him in my arms and feel his warmth. I got back his hands on my head. But when i realised the reality, he wasn't there. It was a girl who was giggling. Someone laughing at my state. I lost my temper. When got my senses, it was too late. An apology is never enough to heal the cracks.
Oh gosh! Why are you playing with me?
You took Abbu , i didn't appeal.
You put so much pain on my lil brother's chest , i didn't complain.
Now you're playing with me , making to me love and kicking me off all this at the same page.
Are you a paranoid?
Increasing my problems at such a high tempo , i'm still growing , i don't have the power to dear with all this , so please keep all your vanity with yourself , please...take me out of these catacombs..Abbu help me!
