Ruhi is confident, though still weak by heart..
(Ruhi's point of view)
Well I need to move on , there's a long life ahead.
But wait..if you couldn't get what you want then is your life worth living?
No...Yes...No... I should work harder and let him repent for his decision.No
he would not suffer anymore.
Should I beg him to accept me?
But I wouldn't sell my self-respect. Ugh! What's happening to me?
Why's everything so unhappening?
I didn't wanted to see next dawn 'coz I couldn't take any rejection and in between my thoughts and pain , urging and craving for a shoulder I slept on the same wet pillow.
Mom called me up. Clock's hands were at 180 degrees vertically.
My heart protested but mind boasted and propagated me till college.
What I promised yesterday, I did. I went to college with Ruchika.
"How are you , dear?", she asked.
"Better than yesterday", i told her false.
"Don't hesitate for anything , you are a language of truth , you hadn't done anything wrong , just face everything with a smile on your face", she tried to convince me.
"Thanks dear ! For being there whenever i need you. You are a true definition of best friend.", I felt better in reality.
"My pleasure love" and somewhere in between our talks we reached the college.
Ruchika suddenly held my right hand , jolted it and said "Don't worry , I am with you in every possible situation. Just face everything with a smile."
Don't know why Ruchika was getting so supportive today , she was my best friend but now she was behaving in such an anonymous way. Maybe till now i didn't ask her for so much support. So , I made a pledge with myself that I would smile in whatever the situation is and i again thanked her for such a parental support.
We stepped in our classroom. Rahim was sitting on first bench. Our eyes matched and shared a couple of seconds of peace. I wished him good morning (Ruchika's consolidation made me more confident. I am pretty sure that now Rahim would be happy to see me as I am pretending to be more confident than before.)
He re-wished me, "Good morning." and those couple of seconds got over as we sat 3 benches. Now he was hardly visible
Now , a kind of twist he made on his back side to see me. His shoulder movement let me known to his posture. I stood bit over my knees and now his matte black hairs were clearly visible but now he was not making efforts to see.
I snored like suffering from a hard throat to clue him a bit.
After third wave i felt like creep and sat back comfortably.
Two periods passed like two epochs , i couldn't resist myself , I tried but wasn't able to see his face.
Recess bell rang.
Ruchi was busy in completing his Chemistry work.
I went out of the class, expecting Rahim to be there in Canteen. I settled down but then i saw Rahim escaping from the canteen area to playground. He must be avoiding our encounter as i knew he was very fragile in my case but will never show this to me.
It was a battle day for me. My eyes were the knight and my steps were the bishops. I couldn't go on white path of Rahim but i was on mine white path.
So I decided to follow him. He was heading towards the best alone place which was the T-point ending of our college's playground. He rested over 1st stair of ground which was covered by a tin-shed.
I knew he was hiding , he was not able to face me.
I was puzzled and wanted to resolve all of them.
When i agreed to be with him in whatsoever the conditions were, why he left me?
How could he underestimate me?
Not only two but almost several thousands of questions were discovered by my mind at that time.
I approached him and sat on the second stair about a 6 inches above him.
He was sitting , his head was resting in between a heart shaped form of his joined hands supported by his knees.
"R..Rahim", i was stuttering at that time.
He didn't react.
I put my left hand over this left shoulder and shook him as hard as i could.
He was weeping , his eyes were teary , his lips were shivering and his body was cold.
He held my hand from his shoulder and pressed it brutally. His eyes were saying something.
"I love you Ruhi. Sorry , i was so mad that i neglected you and your love . Can you accept this undeserving nerd and flourish his life with blossoms?
Can you teach me how to love?", my fingers filled the space of his fingers.
He continued.
"I don't know what to say , your letter left me numb but now I have understood
That there's no sun over horizon without you,
That no star will shimmer overnight without you,
That monsoons cannot cherish without you,
That there will be no bliss in my world without you.
And now I will to put my whole life in your hands. Please decorate it!"
He took my senses. He took my control. He buzzed me off.
His voice was tickling me.
He freed my hands and moved his hand on my waist.
Goosebumps covered my body and adrenal was pumped out.
He pulled me towards himself and hugged me tightly. We were one at that time.
I forgot everything , he pushed me , elevated my chin up with his fingers.
Supported my head with his right hand and dashed it towards his face.
I tasted him. He took my soul very far away from my body. Our lips were in a continuous motion.
I was bamboozled!
I was impure now but satisfied. My integrity was harmed but I was happy...
I wish him to continue. I wanted to be a slave of his kingdom...
All of a sudden, the bell jolted me and hit my brain with a high pace. There was no sign of Rahim. My head was bowed down on a table. My lunch was lieing before me. I wasted all my recess time merely sitting at a place and imagining all that shit..
Happy moments always leave something in your eyes. I left college in between without Ruchi.
And while walking along roadside now I realized something , now I realized that I was diseased.
Name of the disease was 'depression'.
