4 August,1990
Welcome back......
It seems like decades since the day i am writing something. Life has come back to a normal track in these few months, though Abbu's absence still gives a heart ache. 'Time is a good healer' they says, but this is an incomplete saying. Time can heal any pain, sorrow or mental trauma only if one is focused and determined. Life is unpredictable and everyday comes with its own surprises. Time showed me new ups and downs of life. It never served as a healer when it comes to loss of Abbu but it taught me how to fake smile even when the heart is dieing.
Abbu's voice still disturb my eardrum and soothe them.
All cliché seems true now. 'Nothing lasts forever. Learn to let things go for your loved one's.' I regret saying all these. Morning tea still do not makes me relax. Paranthas still do not taste like before. Instead of being in his room, a picture of Abbu is now hanged on a wall. Still home isn't a home.
There are few changes though. Akbar has now engaged in his studies. He do not cry as much as before. I am playing role of Abbu to some extent for him. As Abbu dreamt for me, i got an admission in one of the reputed Engineering college of Patna. Abbu's parantha stall is still on but i was not able to devote much time to it today as it was first day of college. But i'll arrange my schedule in better way from tomorrow so that i can fulfill all of my responsibilities properly. Only this way i could, at least try to reduce the guilt i have within myself.
When it comes to college, it was a hectic day there. I was in a plight to forget about everything and everyone in college so that i could concentrate on studies only but........
I got scolded by a professor. Irony is, i was rebuked not for any misbehavior but for helping two girls who were being teased by seniors. I was mesmerized by splendid monumental design of college earlier but then i remember, even a moon has blemish.
Amidst of all this, there was something strange in a better way. Or i should say, there was someone strange. A Girl. Yes, one of the girl from those two girls whom i saved.
I supply newspapers at her home so i knew her already. A few days ago, she congratulated me on seeing my photograph in the newspaper when i topped 12th board exams. I think her name is 'Ruhi' as her friend was calling her by that name.
As being a complete introvert, i confine myself in my own shield and do not interact much with others. I made up my mind not to remember anything about her. I completely ignored her and didn't talk with her but her name is stucked somewhere within me. Her black kurta with white chuni looked so perfect with her long beautiful hairs tied in a pony tail, glittery black eyes and chubby cheeks. It was matching with his complexion. Above all, her voice was soothing my soul. The sooth, the relief that i was missing since the day Abbu left.
After a lot of efforts, i have made 'Time' as my healer. I do not want any reason because of which i stumble and get distracted from my responsibilities. I should remain focused and refrain from thinking about her.
