You can't leave me behind [BoyxBoy]

Chapter 30 ~ To destroy something

Oh shit this was a nightmare...

I leaned forward as quickly as I could when I, for what must be the third time, threw up what was left in my poor stomach. I tried to focus on something else than the smell of my own puke as I leaned up and flushed the toilet again.

"When is it going to stop...?" I whined as I let my head fall down to rest against the toilet-seat. This was awful and it made me weak to throw up everything like this.

"I'm giving you ten more minutes." Ethan stated coldly from behind me and I groaned as I turned to glance at him. He was standing with his arms crossed as if trying to prevent himself from reaching out for me. He was tense and I knew he was silently boiling with held back anger. Could I blame him? No... and that was the worst part.

"Ethan please... I'm not feeling so good..." I whispered, trying not to flinch when my mate's eyes narrowed on me. He was pissed alright.

"You should have thought about that before you decided to drink yourself half to death." He answered in a cold voice and that sentence alone proved that I would get no pity from him. I could feel my heart squeeze uncomfortably.

After a few minutes of complete silence Ethan stepped up to me and grabbed a hold on my arm. I guess he figured I was done puking my guts out. When he helped me to my feet I could feel my hands shaking and my legs were not nearly as strong as they normally were. When Ethan noticed my hands shakily reaching for the counter for support he sighed and before my fingers touched the cold counter he had grabbed my hand firmly in his. Without a word he made me lean against him and with slow motions he hoisted me up and carried me over to the bathtub. I soaked in the feeling of being near him even though I knew it was short-lived.

While Ethan adjusted the taps and made sure to dump some bath oil into the rising water I studied his face in profile. I didn't have to guess his mood when it was obvious by the look of his expression. He was angry, of course, but there was also something else and it scared me.

"Ethan I..." I began but I was immediately cut off as my mate put me down, turned around and motioned at the water without looking at me.

"Get in," He said, still not looking at my face and I held back the words I wanted to speak so badly. Now was not the time.

When I had carefully stepped into the bath and sunk down to sit in the hot water Ethan sent me one last glance and then he turned towards the door. I wanted to ask him to stay but I was scared he'd ignore me. I couldn't handle that sort of rejection right now.

When he left the bathroom, letting the door fall shut behind him like a wall falling in place between us I knew I had destroyed something. When I reached for the shampoo on the edge of the tub my hand was shaking again and I let it hover mid-air when the shampoo bottle suddenly turned blurry. I tried swallowing but the lump in my throat made it clear that I wasn't going to be able to keep it together much longer.

When the first low sob left my lips the first tear escaped as well and I let my face fall down to rest in the palms of my hands as I felt the silence around me turn suffocating. I wanted to call out for Ethan but I knew I had no right. I had destroyed something and this was the result. Now I had no right to yearn for his touch, no right to wish for him to come back and talk to me like before. The ache in my chest got worse when I finally grasped just how much I'd been taking Ethan's presence for granted.

What if he had had enough now? What if he had finally gotten tired of my selfish actions, the way I left him behind even though he specifically begged me not to? What was I supposed to do then?