Barely Holding On

Chapter 15

I wound up never calling Cameron because Maria showed up and I completely forgot about it.

The first thing she did was pull me into a hug and start stroking my hair. “Oh, Violet… How’s your mom?”

“I don’t know, they won’t let me see her.” I said shakily.

“That’s ridiculous!” Then she stormed off to go yell at some nurses. I was relieved to have someone here to take charge and figure things out.

She came back without saying a word and dragged me and Nash into my mom’s room. I mindlessly pulled up and chair next to her bed and held her hand. She was asleep with a bunch of tubes coming out of just about everywhere.

Maria cornered one of the nurses and was finding out about my mom. I tried to hear, but their voices were too muffled.

Nash put his hand on my shoulder. It was such a simple gesture, but coming from him it didn’t feel too simple. I looked up at him gratefully and put on a weak smile, “Thank you, again, for waiting with me.”

He tucked my hair behind me ear, “Don’t worry about it.”

Maria came back in the room and Nash immediately dropped his hand. She came over and sat down next to me, putting her arm around me and pulling me close like Nash did. “Violet… Oh, gosh, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your mom took pills. Like a lot of them.” She kept stuttering when she talked, I could hear the pain in her voice. “She…She tried to kill herself.” What she was saying wasn’t even registering with me. “She’s going to be ok, but even after she gets physically better they’re going to have to keep her in the mental warden for a while.”  

A tear slipped out of my eye, but I quickly wiped it away.

Nash was standing in the corner staring at the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

Maria ran her fingers through my hair soothingly. “You can’t live by yourself for that long, so you’re going to stay with us, ok?”

I managed to whisper out an “Ok”.

She and Nash left the room to give me a moment to say goodbye.

I didn’t feel sorrow when I looked at her. I didn’t feel pity. I felt anger. “How could you try and leave me like this?” The tears came. I was so frustrated. With her, with my life. Why couldn’t anything just work out for me? I glared at her and then left the room, not looking back. I knew I was being selfish, but I thought I had earned the right for once in my life.

--

I lay down on the blow-up mattress in Nash’s room trying, but failing, to fall asleep.

After we had gotten home from the hospital Maria had helped me pack up a few things, and then she locked my window so I couldn’t climb back in during the night. She said she “didn’t want me sleeping in that house, all alone.” I didn’t hold back that I thought that was stupid, but secretly I was glad.

Somehow Nash steady breathing kept me from freaking out. I couldn’t tell if he was asleep or not, so I whispered “Nash,” hoping to not wake him up if he was.

“Yeah,” he said normally. Clearly he wasn’t asleep.

“Oh. I wasn’t sure if you were asleep or not.” I felt stupid.

“Why? You want to fool around a little?” I could hear the jokiness in his voice and it made me smile.

Deciding to play along I giggled and said, “Maybe.”

“Well, then climb on up here.” He lifted up his sheets, inviting me in.

I have absolutely no idea what compelled me to do it, but I climbed into bed with him. It was dark, but I could see he was shocked. He quickly got over it and made room for me.

I kept bumping into him while trying to get comfortable (it was a twin, it was hard) and I could tell that he was shirtless.

“V, stop squirming around.” He said. Somehow he had wound up on top of me.

I looked up and I couldn’t help but stare at his lips. They looked so soft and inviting. His smell wrapped around me and it drove me crazy.

I grabbed his neck and roughly pulled his lips against mine. At first he was reserved, but he quickly took control and intensified the kiss.

His tongue begged for entrance, and I gladly gave it without hesitation. I arched my back up trying, needing, to get closer to him. His hands roamed over my body, driving me crazy. I moaned into his mouth, which seemed to drive him crazy.

I ran my hands all over his toned body, silently begging for his boxers to come off. His hands danced around the waistband of my shorts and I was about to tell him to just rip them off already when he abruptly pulled away. “V…” he sighed. He rolled off of me and lay beside me. “Cameron.”

Oh yeah, my ‘boyfriend’.