Inevitable

twelve

Dan.

Well, fuck me.

Philip Lester is starting to drive me mad.

I always thought he was Mr. Straight Soccer Player but I guess I was wrong.

Two days after actually having a proper conversation with him, I have successfully given him a hickey, made out with him, grabbed his ass and called him Daddy.

My mind slowly began to wonder back to how I felt in that moment. As if I was in a dream, a soft comforting, satisfying dream. Until, I smelled the alcohol on his breath which caused me to snap out of the trance. That smell hit too close to home, too many intoxicated bodies with alcohol laden tongues had introduced themselves to me.

But after looking into Phil's eyes once more, I realized Phil was not like the others.

I don't know what this feeling is but, it has to go. Because if Andrew found out, he would kill me. He's the most possessive client I've ever had. He doesn't even want me to talk to another guy, much less look at one.

Especially one as beautiful as Philip Lester.

****
In English, Phil and I sat in a bench in the back of the class. We wrote down 3 more theories but still failed to come up with one that's at least 80% original.

1. Humans are in comas. When you're awake, you're actually in a deep sleep and your mind has adjusted and added your family and friends to your dreams. The only time you're truly awake is when you're sleeping. And that's why sometimes you don't have dreams, because you don't wake up.

2. Human existence is a simulation.

3. Everything is a social construct. Time, gender, our way of life. What if we're hindering the evolution process because we're not being our primal selves?

When we finished writing them, Phil complained about how hopeless they sounded.

"Life's hopeless," I deadpanned.

"Well, I have one that isn't," he smiled and took my notebook.

He quickly scribbled something down and handed it back to me.

4. Daniel Howell is very cute and a very good kisser.

I could feel my cheeks warming up as I looked over at his blue eyes.

He scooted close to me and leaned into my ear, "I really want to kiss you. What are you doing to me, Howell?"

I tried my best to keep a straight face as I rested my right hand on his knee.

He breathed in sharply and then went back to doodling.

I did the same as I walked my index and middle finger up his thigh.

"Howell, you might be biting off more than you can chew," he said through gritted teeth.

I shrugged and gently placed my fingers on his bulge. Somehow, I got more courage and began undoing his zipper.

He clasped his palm over my hand.

"Fuck, not here. Or now,"
he stuttered out.

I pulled my hand back and began packing up my things.

"Dan, I still have a girlfriend that I love very much, you know?" Phil said as Rachel started walking towards us.