Inevitable

eighteen

Dan.

Phil and I had decided on a theory, on the first day of break. My art piece was still a work in progress and so was "Phan" my friend, Louise, had called us.

I rang Phil as I looked at my closet.

"Wanna go out tonight, Papi?" I asked holding up a new blue shirt up to me. 

"Yeah. There's actually a party being held at Connor's house and we're invited!" he basically squeaked into my ear.

"Connor?"

"Franta. Yeah, he was co-head last year? He's dating PJ now."

"Ooohhhhhh! Sure, that sounds like it'd be fun," I said throwing the shirt on my bed.

"Alright, pick you up at 7?"

"Mmhm"

I hung up the phone and proceeded to coordinate my outfit.

The blue shirt was soft and almost felt like home. It reminded me of Phil. The shirt was almost an exact match to his eyes. That made it even better. I pulled on my dark blue skinnies and decided to wear my Converses.

I ran downstairs to find my jacket, and saw my brother watching tv.

I walked over to him and engulfed him in a hug, "How ya feeling, bud?"

"Better. I like being home more than hospital. Cause at hospital there's no Dan!" he exclaimed with a very toothy grin.

"Home isn't the same without you! I'll see you later or tomorrow, alright bud?"

"Where you going, Danny?" he asked. As nosy as a 7 year old could be.

"To a party," I whispered and kissed his forehead.

I walked to kitchen to grab a drink of water, when I saw my dad braced against the sink.

"Dad?"

"Dan." he said and he brought his hands up to his face and turned around.

His eyes and nose were red.

"Are you okay?"

"Dan, you're old enough to know this. Your mother just told me she wanted to  get a divorce about two years ago, before Adrian got so bad. She cheated with a woman, Dan," he says as fresh tears spilled out of the wells of his eyes.

"Dad, I..."

"Your mom's a fucking dyke, Dan," he deadpanned.

"Dad. She isn't. She's still married to you isn't she? And she seems happy. That must prove that her family means more than a fling," I stated, grabbing my jacket from its hook.

My dad looked me up and down, finally realizing I was somewhat dressed up.

"Where are you going?"

"A party,"

"Where? With who?"

"A guy called Connor's house and I'm going with Phil," I said realizing it was 6:57.

He nodded. Thankfully, he liked Phil. Everyone liked Phil. I mean how could you look those eyes and smile and not like him?

I looked down at my phone and saw that Phil had texted me that he was outside.

"I have to go. I'll see you soon!"

"Dan, before you go. Is Phil your boyfriend?"

I shook my head.

"Good. Can't have a dyke and a fag running around the house," he said smiling at me.

"I'm gay, Dad. You know that."

"I wish you weren't."

I stormed out and slammed the door behind me.

I planned to have a good time and a sour, sad man wouldn't spoil that for me.

I walked out the door and saw Phil leant against his car.

He looked up at me and immediately, the smile I loved so much appeared to his face.

This.

This is what I needed to get my mind off of everything negative.
***
We arrived at Connor's house at around 7:15 and the party was already in full swing.

There was loud pop music blasting from inside the house, sweaty bodies, most likely fuelled by alcohol and weed, were grinding on each other.

A couple was in the far corner of the living room, making out. I didn't care who they were, really. It was just the pure action of freedom to express their love to randoms without even worrying about it. It made me long for the day when maybe Phil and I would get to that place.

I sighed and realized that Phil had left my side. I went to go look for him.

I went back to the kitchen, as it was the only place I had already seen in this big ass house.

I saw Phil by the keg, trying (and failing) to fill two cups.

A girl sauntered over with long curly brown hair, a short black dress and black boots.

She took the cups from Phil and looked at him. Bending over to fill the cups. She gave him one and then went to put the other to her mouth.

He grabbed it and looked at her, shaking his head and held the cup firmly in his left as he sipped from the one in his right.

She then reached down to his crotch and grabbed it.

He looked over at her with utter shock. Reaching down to remove her hand, he dropped his cup of beer which spilled all over her already basically see through dress.

Then she winked.

He put the cup that hadn't spilled on the table.

He then held her hand and started tugging her up the stairs.

I feel her smile radiate from where I was standing. 

I couldn't hear a word of what they were saying, but I really didn't care what it was. I'm not stupid.

I went over to the keg and started chugging beers. I stumbled over to Chris from Phil's team and fell into his arms.

"Whoa there, you okay?" he asked, bringing me to a couch.

I nodded "I'm just lonely. I came here with Phil and he ditched me"

"Sorry about that. Maybe good ol' Kendo can make you feel wanted," he whispered, putting his lips on mine.

I could smell the alcohol on his breath but I didn't care. This is what I need.

****
Chosen theory:
Life is meaningless, yes. And our only guaranteed purpose is to die. In between birth and death, there is life and it's the most abstract thing. You can experience a lot of things during this life. Good or bad. You can experience love, hope, peace. No matter how hopeless life seems, there's always something or someone to make you feel that hope. Hold on to it, it can go a long way.