The Beauty Of A Broken Man

Healing The Broken

The next morning before classes, he sat me down with the most pained expression, "what is it, Severus?"

"Dumbledore has ordered me... I must be the one to kill him."

I took his hand and shakingly asked, "what? He wants to die?!"

"He said it would gain the Dark Lord's trust in me. I must admit, Bellatrix trapped me into making the unbreakable vow with Narcissa to carry out the order if Draco should fail, so I am fucked either way."

Hearing him say it like that made me shiver, 'now isn't the time to be getting horny!' "Severus, you can't-"

"It is what he wants!" He snapped before taking a deep breath. I didn't flinch, as I knew he was overstressed. "No one can know."

"I trust you, Severus. Do what you must, just be careful." I kissed him before he left.

I felt like crying thinking about Severus killing Dumbledore. It was upsetting on both ends, I couldn't imagine what Severus was thinking. As much as he wouldn't admit, Dumbledore was the closest thing Severus had to a father. I suddenly felt angry that so many good people probably wouldn't be around after the coming war was over. First Gwen, then Dumbledore, who would be next?

I was due in January, so I only had three months to go. Severus seemed to struggle with idea of being a father, especially at such a time, but he had also subtly expressed his impatience for them to arrive. The only thing I couldn't come to terms with was that I conceived twins right off the bat.

I had notified Remus and the Order by owl that Severus had helped me regain my memory, leaving out the details, of course. They were still concerned about our relationship, and never neglected to keep their opinions to themselves, but I knew they had their hearts in the right place.

Severus was growing weaker and looking paler, although I wouldn't dare tell him that. Between Voldemort and the Order, he was worn down past his limit. so when he walked in after a hard day of teaching Dark Arts, professor Slughorn had taken back potions, I grabbed his hands and pulled him to the couch. As I began to rub his shoulders, he asked, "what did you do, this time?"

I pinched him a bit and replied, "ha ha, funny. No, you've been working hard lately and I feel bad that there's nothing I can do."

He turned in his sitting position and pulled me on top of him on the couch. He cradled me and brushed through my hair with his fingers, "you do more than you know. I realize I have not been around much to support you. This can not be an easy thing for you to go through with on your own."

I brought a hand up to caress his cheek, "I understand. I know you are doing what is best for, not just us, but the entire wizarding population." I kissed him before we, oddly but comfortably, fell asleep on the couch.

It was depressing to be stuck in the dorm all the time. I couldn't apparate anywhere with being this far along, it would risk premature labor, and I didn't want to answer a million questions if I were to run into someone in the halls. It wouldn't be so bad if Severus wasn't gone most of the time.

As Severus and I were sitting at the table finishing our breakfast one morning, I instantly thought about the letter he had wrote, but never sent. I ran to the bedroom, recieving a curious look from Severus, and sat back at the table as I slid it in front of him. With a reddened face, he questioned, "where did you find this?"

"Back when I had no memory, it fell out of one of your books. You have a way with words, Professor." I whispered, insinuating my lust for him.

"Well, miss Kuran," he replied in the same tone with a hint of a growl, "snooping through your professors belongings may result in punishment."