imperfect fit ; an everlark au based off of 'the selection' series

n i n e t e e n

I told no one what happened between Peeta and me, not even Clove or my maids. It feels like a wonderful secret that I can revisit in the middle of one of Effie's boring lessons or another long day in the Women's Room. And to be honest, I thought about our kisses- both the awkward and sweet- more than I expected I would.

I know I'm not just going to fall in love with Peeta overnight. I know my heart won't let me. But I suddenly find myself in a place where that's something I might want. So I think about the possibility quietly in my head, though I have been tempted to blurt out my secret more than once.

Particularly, three days later, when Rakel announced to the half-full Women's Room that Peeta had kissed her, I couldn't believe how shattered I felt. I had caught myself staring at Rakel, wondering what's so special about her.

"Tell us everything!" Clove insists.

Most of the other girls are curious as well, but Clove is the most enthusiastic. In the short time since she and Peeta had their last date, her interest in everyone else's progress seemed to be growing. I can't tell what's behind the shift, and I'm not brave enough to ask.

Rakel didn't need the encouragement. She sits down on one of the couches and fans out her dress. it looks like she's practicing to be the princess. I feel like telling her that one kiss doesn't mean she's winning.

"I don't want to go into all the details, but it was quite romantic," she gushes, tucking her chin into her chest. "He took me on the roof. There's this place that's kind of like a balcony, but it looks like it's used for the guards. I couldn't tell. We could look over the wall and see the whole city, just glittering as far as you can see. He didn't really say anything. He just leaned in and kissed me." Her whole body contracts with joy.

Clove sighs. Glimmer looks like she's ready to break something. I sit there.

I keep telling myself that I shouldn't care so much, that this is all part of the Selection. And who's to say that I'd really want to end up with Peeta anyway? Honestly, I ought to consider myself lucky. It's clear Glimmer's malice has a new target, and after the whole episode with the dress- which I realize I had forgotten to tell Peeta about- I'm glad to see her move on.

"Do you think she's the only one he's kissed?" Tuesday whispers in my ear. Delly, who stands beside me, hears her concerns and pipes in.

"He wouldn't just kiss anyone. She must be doing something right," Delly laments.

"What if he's kissed half the room and people are keeping quiet about it? Maybe it's part of their strategy," Tuesday wonders.

"I don't think anyone who kept quiet would necessarily consider that a strategy," I counter. "Maybe they're just private."

Tuesday sucks in a breath. "What if Rakel telling us this is just some game? Now we're all worried, and it's not as if any of us would actually ask Peeta is he'd kissed her. There's no way to tell if she's lying or not."

"Do you think she would do that?" I ask.

"If she did, I wish I'd thought of it first," Tuesday says longingly.

Delly sighs. "This is much more complicated than I thought it would be."

"Tell me about it," I mumble.

"I like almost everyone in this room, but when I hear about Peeta doing something with someone else, I just want to figure out how to do better than her," she confesses. "I don't like feeling competitive towards you all."

"It's like what I was telling Raven the other day," Tuesday says. "I know she's a little on the timid side, but she's very ladylike and I think she would make a great princess. I can't be mad at her if she had more dates than me, even if I want the crown myself."